Tag Archives: miami reviews

Fado Irish Pub 6 Comments Read more »

Fado Irish Pub

Someone decided Brickell doesn’t have enough Irish pubs. The proprietors of Fado thought, “Waxy’s, Brickell Irish, Finnegan’s, and the one they’re working on in the Axis building aren’t enough. These people DEMAND shitty bar food and watered-down drinks.” Thank you for that, you goddamn luminaries.…


Mario the Baker 7 Comments Read more »

Mario the Baker

One of the most pathetic things I’ve done involves Mario the Baker as an indirect cause, and it just happened earlier this morning. It’s not a very pretty day out there. Last night, as is typical of most Mondays for me, I didn’t feel like…


Poetryview: Kill Your Idol 3 Comments Read more »

Poetryview: Kill Your Idol

Every now and then I feel like going poetic and I turn a regular review into what I like to call a poetryview. Baudelaire, Poe, Frost… Winters.


Buck House (Villa 221) 4 Comments Read more »

Buck House (Villa 221)

Back as a teen when my parents went out of town and left the house to me, I had fantasies of throwing big house parties. Of course, that never materialized because I lived in a condo with strict rules and I only had like 4…


Villagio Leave a comment Read more »


I think when a place is too pristine I get a little anxious. The Village of Merrick Park during the day is a perfect example of that, and I feel it needs some hoodrats and annoying middle school skateboarders to make me feel at ease.…


Buck 15 2 Comments Read more »

Buck 15

Buck 15 has such a ghetto-ass entrance I thought I needed to provide some kind of password to get in. Like the doorman would ask, “how much is a buck fifteen worth to the Loch Ness monster” and the answer is, “…about tree-fitty.” I had…


Panera Bread 3 Comments Read more »

Panera Bread

There are four guarantees in life: Death, taxes, Jeremy Piven having a hair transplant, and Panera Bread being so amazing it’ll make you ignore the lie that is Jeremy Piven’s increasing hairline. For fuck’s sake he played a character playing George Costanza on Seinfeld! What,…


Jimmy'z Kitchen 2 Comments Read more »

Jimmy’z Kitchen

Aside from their glaring deficiencies with the English language judging by their inability to grasp possessiveness rules, Jimmy’z Kitchen knows how to put down an acceptable meal. It’s kind of like Chat Roulette except not as much penis. I’m on South Beach with a friend…


Tapas y Tintos Midtown 1 Comment Read more »

Tapas y Tintos Midtown

You know how you love your child but sometimes you want to murder it and frame the murder on your high school counselor because she didn’t accept your sexual advances? Me neither. You know how you love your child but sometimes you want to murder…


Blue Martini Brickell 5 Comments Read more »

Blue Martini Brickell

A few years ago, Blue Martini signed a contract with Zoo Miami allowing their excess cougars free reign to hang out. It seems that over the years this agreement has yet to change. Blue Martini consistently looks like a casting call for Desperate Housewives and…


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