Tag Archives: miami reviews

The Original Big Tomato Pizza 1 Comment Read more »

The Original Big Tomato Pizza

I generally like my pizzas about as thin as the plot to any Michael Bay movie. When the argument over New York style versus Chicago style comes up, lines are drawn and allegiances form, thus defining who I’m going to hate and who I’m going…


Miami Metro Rail Orange Line 1 Comment Read more »

Miami Metro Rail Orange Line

Besides the importance of county-wide bike lanes on every street so those annoying motherfucking asshole piece-of-shit dickhead entitled fucktard cunt faces riding bikes using roads yet blatantly disobeying road signs on those roads can have a place to ride, I’ve maintained that a rail line…


Action Town Paint Ball 2 Comments Read more »

Action Town Paint Ball

I got shot in Hialeah. That’s a factually accurate sentence, by the way. Recently, someone told me to go to hell, and that’s how I ended up in Hialeah. So I got shot with a paintball. I had never been paintballing before and figured it…


Sweetness Bakeshop & Cafe 3 Comments Read more »

Sweetness Bakeshop & Cafe

The fourteenth most important thing you should know about me is that I absolutely lose my shit when sweet things are involved. I love sweets so much I could’ve been easily molested by a balding man in a cardigan as a kid if only I…


The Capital Grille 3 Comments Read more »

The Capital Grille

I’ve been busy as shit lately but since Miami Spice has rolled around it’s a requirement for every citizen to make time. When I say “every citizen” I don’t mean “every US citizen” since that only applies to, like, 18 people in Miami. I just…


Pollo Tropical 3 Comments Read more »

Pollo Tropical

Let’s slum it for a second so I can tell you all about how Pollo Tropical is man’s best asset besides opposable thumbs. One could pose a strong argument for La Granja being superior, but allow me to explain why Pollo Tropical would be one…


Rincon Escondido Leave a comment Read more »

Rincon Escondido

“Spanish” is one of those words overused by morons when they actually mean to say “Hispanic”. It pisses me off. It’s like calling an American “English” because that’s the language they speak. English people are English, Spanish people are Spanish. This is a Spanish restaurant.…


A La Folie Cafe Leave a comment Read more »

A La Folie Cafe

What is it about French people that made them so good with cuisine? Seriously, they’re the best on the planet. A Middle Easterner could look at a typical French dish and be like, “I want to put that in my face” in whatever phlegmy language…


Eating House Miami 1 Comment Read more »

Eating House Miami

We came here for my girlfriend’s birthday dinner and found my little sister’s doppelganger. That was pretty awesome and I’ll get to that. I wasn’t sure where to take my girlfriend, but we were doing bar trivia earlier in the week and two people simultaneously…


Palmetto Mini Golf 2 Comments Read more »

Palmetto Mini Golf

Leave it to white aristocrats to create the most debased, self-indulgent, wanton thing human beings do by taking acres upon acres of perfectly livable, arable land, adding 18 little holes to it, and then scoffing at minorities. The tiny variety, however, isn’t as evil. Sometimes…


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