Tag Archives: miami restaurants

Gordon Biersch Leave a comment Read more »

Gordon Biersch

[post_intro] [/post_intro] Here are three things I learned about Gordon Biersch: 1) Their beers are delicious. I was told their secret ingredients included very rare Bavarian hops from the hills of Germany, and a virgin’s innocence. [citation needed] 2) Their fish tacos are misleading. I…


Sparky's Roadside Barbecue 1 Comment Read more »

Sparky’s Roadside Barbecue

[post_intro] [/post_intro] When I was a barely-English-speaking little snot-nosed kid I thought “barbecue” was a cute Barbie doll. I would hear the word and think, “why does everyone like these fucking things?” On a related note, one time my sister wouldn’t let me play Barbie…


Tropical Chinese Restaurant 3 Comments Read more »

Tropical Chinese Restaurant

[post_intro] [/post_intro] I used to have an Asian woman fetish. I’m not proclaiming that to in any way suggest that I no longer like Asian women, I’m just saying it was a hardcore fetish where I’d see a blond girl and mentally dye her hair,…


Fleming's Prime Steakhouse & Wine Bar 2 Comments Read more »

Fleming’s Prime Steakhouse & Wine Bar

[post_intro] [/post_intro] Fleming’s, like Morton’s, is one of those chain steak houses that costs an arm, a leg, and the leg of an additional human being from somewhere in southeast Asia. Every time a menu is opened at Fleming’s, a hippie gets anemia. Also like…


The Knife 1 Comment Read more »

The Knife

[post_intro] [/post_intro] For roughly $30 there isn’t a better way to break one of the seven deadly sins and get your money’s worth, except maybe from getting a half-and-half in a Bangkok whorehouse. Both of those options leave you with a little more meat than…


Anthony's Coal Fired Pizza 2 Comments Read more »

Anthony’s Coal Fired Pizza

[post_intro] [/post_intro] Usually I’m wary of new pizza places when I’m craving pizza because when I want pizza, I want what I’m positive is good pizza. The only reason I set foot in this place was that an attractive female said “Anthony’s has good pizza”…


GreenStreet Cafe 2 Comments Read more »

GreenStreet Cafe

[post_intro] [/post_intro] I’ve been punched in the face twice in my life. One was when I bet a midget he couldn’t do it (I’m 6’3″), and the other was the great punch I felt when I had some pancakes at GreenStreet Cafe. They were banana…


The Rusty Pelican 1 Comment Read more »

The Rusty Pelican

[post_intro] [/post_intro] Ah, the Rusty Pelican. Anyone with a dirty mind and general knowledge of unique sexual positions will always get a giggle out of the name. I’ve been here a couple of times, for brunch and dinner. I’m not afraid to admit I’ve done…


Five Guys Burgers and Fries 1 Comment Read more »

Five Guys Burgers and Fries

[post_intro] [/post_intro] Being able to say things like “I want Five Guys in my mouth right about now” and it coming off as a perfectly normal, reasonable sentence is only one of the benefits of eating at this place. This is fast food. The only…


Little Caesar's Pizza 1 Comment Read more »

Little Caesar’s Pizza

[post_intro] [/post_intro] This is the Honda Civic of pizzas; cheap and everywhere. It’s also the third worst pizza in the world behind Pizza Hut. You wonder, “then who takes the prize of worst in the world?” That title goes to Rey’s Pizza. Not the ones…


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