Category Archives: Venues

Laser Quest Leave a comment Read more »

Laser Quest

Shooting little kids in the back (with lasers, chill the hell out, Michael Moore) is a lot harder than I thought it would be. It sounds easy enough, in theory, but when you’re stuck in a room that looks like either a crazy acid trip…


Action Town Paint Ball 2 Comments Read more »

Action Town Paint Ball

I got shot in Hialeah. That’s a factually accurate sentence, by the way. Recently, someone told me to go to hell, and that’s how I ended up in Hialeah. So I got shot with a paintball. I had never been paintballing before and figured it…


Palmetto Mini Golf 2 Comments Read more »

Palmetto Mini Golf

Leave it to white aristocrats to create the most debased, self-indulgent, wanton thing human beings do by taking acres upon acres of perfectly livable, arable land, adding 18 little holes to it, and then scoffing at minorities. The tiny variety, however, isn’t as evil. Sometimes…


Marlins Park 3 Comments Read more »

Marlins Park

I’ve been a Marlins fan since I watched that old fuck Charlie Hough pitch his shitty knuckleball against the Dodgers. I’ve been an anti-fan of Joe Robbie Stadium (I have trouble remembering who the quarterly sponsor is, so I just call it that) since I…


Lucky Strike Lanes & Lounge 1 Comment Read more »

Lucky Strike Lanes & Lounge

[post_intro] [/post_intro] Similar to getting married or getting someone pregnant, bowling is best done while drunk. The better places like Lucky Strike realize this and serve plenty of alcohol. I’m in no way a prolific bowler. I bowled for the first time in my life…


Lincoln Theatre 2 Comments Read more »

Lincoln Theatre

[post_intro] [/post_intro] As a former band nerd and ongoing classical music enthusiast I’m a fan of the Lincoln Theatre. I wonder if in 100 years this place will still be open, and if Run DMC will be considered classical by then. It’d be cool to…


Kendall Ice Arena 2 Comments Read more »

Kendall Ice Arena

[post_intro] [/post_intro] If you wake up one morning thinking, “you know what, I’m in the mood to fall on my ass a couple of times while smelling rubber and feet for a few hours,” then boy do I have the place for you. There are…


Chuck E. Cheese’s 3 Comments Read more »

Chuck E. Cheese’s

[post_intro] [/post_intro] Have you ever wondered if your child inherited the awful gambling addiction gene your uncle Rob unfortunately possesses thanks to some Mesopotamian dickhead ancestor that settled every argument with a game of dice? If that’s the sort of thing that keeps you up…