Category Archives: Reviews

Boy Writes Los Angeles: Roscoe's House of Chicken & Waffles 3 Comments Read more »

Boy Writes Los Angeles: Roscoe’s House of Chicken & Waffles

Having just recovered from an anus-obliterating bout of crappuccino-like diarrhea, recalling my fond memories of the eclectic mix of fried chicken and waffles is disheartening since the mere thought of solid food right now is as disgusting as the rum and coke-looking feces I was…


100 Montaditos 6 Comments Read more »

100 Montaditos

“100 little variety penises in my mouth” is what this place needs to be called. I was there with my friend last night and she said, “I wish jizz tasted like this” while referring to the sauce on one of those chicken ones I had.…


Boy Writes Los Angeles: Supperclub 4 Comments Read more »

Boy Writes Los Angeles: Supperclub

So last weekend my sister was visiting LA and my cousin took her to a bar in Long Beach, Mai Tai Bar, where the night ended with six people getting shot. This week I was visiting and wanted no part in that, so I said…


Elwoods Gastro Pub 3 Comments Read more »

Elwoods Gastro Pub

This place is run by the most British-looking bloke I’ve ever seen in my life. He’s like a mix of a Beatle and early 20th century imperialism. I’ve never spoken to the man because I’m afraid of him turning out to be some Cubanaso that’s…


Comedy Inn 2 Comments Read more »

Comedy Inn

If you’ve ever perused a dating site for, like, curiosity or whatever, you’ll notice that a lot of people list “I like to laugh” as an integral part of their biography. That’s fucking stupid, because everyone likes to laugh. If you like to laugh, then…


Miss Doral Beauty Pageant 13 Comments Read more »

Miss Doral Beauty Pageant

I’ve always viewed beauty pageants as some fixed mob game of favoritism. Miami Beach Towing is run with more integrity and honesty than your typical beauty pageant. When you break it down, you’re just watching a bunch of pretty girls/women answer questions in various articles…


The UPS Store Downtown 1 Comment Read more »

The UPS Store Downtown

Normally on Fridays I like leaving reviews about places you can visit over the weekend, like restaurants, clubs, or graveyards to have kinky forbidden ghost sex. I wonder what that’s like. If you’d like to join me in experimenting this sort of sexual endeavor, email…


Wall 4 Comments Read more »


This has got to be the stupidest place to go to without pre-drinking somewhere else. That’s true of most places in South Beach on account of their “rape is fun” pricing schemes, but Wall takes it to another level. Picture this. It’s 1994 in Rwanda.…


El Vato Tequila and Taco Bar 3 Comments Read more »

El Vato Tequila and Taco Bar

If there’s a fast food joint which serves your specialty, your choice of dishes will never be considered high class. Tell me, doubter, have you ever seen a Burger King selling caviar? A Checkers advertising a porterhouse? A Sonic’s claiming to have edible food? Of…


Le Boudoir 3 Comments Read more »

Le Boudoir

French people these days get a bad rap, more than likely because they’re French. Even so, they’re still the undisputed kitchen champs. Americans call them “cheese-eating surrender monkeys”, but it goes to show you even their disparaging nicknames revolve around their culinary prowess. As you…


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