Category Archives: Reviews

Brickell Smoke Shop 1 Comment Read more »

Brickell Smoke Shop

The most fun thing about smoke shops is their “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy. I’ve never gone to another store and spoken in euphemisms to get what I wanted. Even if I went to a sex toy shop, I’d be like, “Hey, I’d like a…


The Filling Station & Garage Bar 1 Comment Read more »

The Filling Station & Garage Bar

If you’ve ever been roadblocked by hordes of bicycling assholes on a Friday night, it’s likely they ended up at the Filling Station to quench their overarching case of smugness. But even though road cyclists and I don’t see eye to eye on everything, and…


In-N-Out Burger Miami 2 Comments Read more »

In-N-Out Burger Miami

When I first heard about In-N-Out opening in Miami, I quickly navigated over to and searched for “Hialeah, FL” to see if Hell had frozen over. It was 68 degrees, so for Miami standards it might as well have. I don’t personally know of…


Feverish Pops Leave a comment Read more »

Feverish Pops

Quick question: What’s the most amount of money you’ve ever spent on popsicles? OH, THAT’S CUTE, I JUST SPENT $30. I thought that last sentence would have more “oomph”, but even though $30 for popsicles is a lot, when you look at “I just spent…


Machiya Leave a comment Read more »


The Shops at Midtown is like Dubai, and everything surrounding it is like the Middle East shithole surrounding Dubai. I’m still shocked at how quickly that place went from muggable to slightly-less-muggable in such a short period of time. A bunch of restaurants have been…


Quarterman's Ice Cream Parlor Leave a comment Read more »

Quarterman’s Ice Cream Parlor

If I had a kid, I would sit him on top of my shoulders and take him to Quarterman’s for some old-fashioned ice cream. I would also scar the kid psychologically by playing a bunch of practical jokes that’ll leave him forever afraid of benign…


Buffalo Wild Wings Leave a comment Read more »

Buffalo Wild Wings

I propose they rename this place to “BuffalOK, I Guess, Wings” because they’re not that fucking good. They have a lot of variety, sure, but there’s like fourteen different types of herpes and none of them are good either, so whatever. You want proof that…


Texas de Brazil Leave a comment Read more »

Texas de Brazil

Buffets are the most goddamn American things since electric guitars and indigenous genocide. Sure, it’s a french word, but so is entrepreneur, as in, “Look at that entrepreneur.” And so is découpage, as in, “What the fuck is découpage?” I hear this place is like…


Bulldog Barbecue 1 Comment Read more »

Bulldog Barbecue

Barbecue sauce is a condiment I can put on just about everything that fits in my mouth. Having barbecue doesn’t necessarily imply that everything will be slathered in barbecue sauce, but it gives me hope. Hope that at least 70% of the shit on the…


Blue Collar 13 Comments Read more »

Blue Collar

Move over, every other restaurant I’ve ever been to, because Blue Collar is here to put some goddamn hair on my chest. If you can find the place nestled on the corner of a fuck motel with an “I hope I don’t get towed” parking…


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