Category Archives: Attractions

Miss Doral Beauty Pageant 13 Comments Read more »

Miss Doral Beauty Pageant

I’ve always viewed beauty pageants as some fixed mob game of favoritism. Miami Beach Towing is run with more integrity and honesty than your typical beauty pageant. When you break it down, you’re just watching a bunch of pretty girls/women answer questions in various articles…


Gator Park Airboat Tours 8 Comments Read more »

Gator Park Airboat Tours

[post_intro] [/post_intro] I’m willing to bet that 90% of Miami residents have never been to the Everglades and taken an airboat ride. That’s a statistic I pulled out of my ass, and it tickled my prostate on its way out so needless to say it…


The One Where I Talk About Art Basel 1 Comment Read more »

The One Where I Talk About Art Basel

[post_intro] [/post_intro] Art Basel is that time of the year where people pretend to give a shit about art because it’s cool for five days. Have you ever looked at a heap of garbage that wasn’t really garbage but a sculpted narrative of consumerism and…


Santa's Enchanted Forest 5 Comments Read more »

Santa’s Enchanted Forest

I’ve been to Santa’s Enchanted Forest which by transitive property means I’ve been to Nicaragua. In all fairness, I haven’t been there in a few years because my socioeconomic status has vastly improved since then, but something tells me the demographics haven’t changed all that…


Zoo Miami Leave a comment Read more »

Zoo Miami

Our fateful protagonist, yours truly, has no qualms about keeping wild animals in captivity. Given that, there was a time where I was gainfully unemployed due to decisions I made when I imprudently made career determinations involving paltry little details like “overall happiness” and “valuing…