Tag Archives: stores

IKEA Leave a comment Read more »


30 Rock assured me my girlfriend and I would break up if we went to IKEA together. I was getting ready to pack all her shit up for her and help her book a flight from Sunrise back to Miami. Well, we’re still together, which…


The UPS Store Downtown 1 Comment Read more »

The UPS Store Downtown

Normally on Fridays I like leaving reviews about places you can visit over the weekend, like restaurants, clubs, or graveyards to have kinky forbidden ghost sex. I wonder what that’s like. If you’d like to join me in experimenting this sort of sexual endeavor, email…


Sam Ash Music 1 Comment Read more »

Sam Ash Music

[post_intro] [/post_intro] Sam Ash is like Best Buy for dudes who have tattoos and can’t read music. Over the years, I’ve amassed a respectable amount of knowledge, but within it there are a couple of irrefutable universal absolute FACTS: 1) The entropy of an isolated…


Apple Store 2 Comments Read more »

Apple Store

[post_intro] [/post_intro] “Getting mugged” is a synonym for “shopping at the Apple Store.” I’m not a hater, I have a Mac Pro, a Macbook Pro, an iPhone, and a multitude of Apple-branded software. However, I recognize a Sasha Grey-inspired public fisting when I see one.…


Sports Authority Leave a comment Read more »

Sports Authority

[post_intro] [/post_intro] The best thing about Sports Authority are the fat people. They walk around in there like they’re ashamed of what they’re doing, like they’re going against the fat union and they’re afraid there will be retribution. They hide and masquerade their face sort…