Tag Archives: south beach

A La Folie Cafe Leave a comment Read more »

A La Folie Cafe

What is it about French people that made them so good with cuisine? Seriously, they’re the best on the planet. A Middle Easterner could look at a typical French dish and be like, “I want to put that in my face” in whatever phlegmy language…

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Foxhole 1 Comment Read more »

Foxhole

If I could go back to the twenties and not be hanged or disenfranchised for being an outspoken minority with future technology, I would totally go grab a drink or two with some flat-chested hookers at a speakeasy. That’s why the Foxhole seemed like such…

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Yardbird Southern Table & Bar 5 Comments Read more »

Yardbird Southern Table & Bar

If Yardbird had a dick, Miami would be sucking it. I knew only three things coming into this place: People don’t shut the fuck up about how amazing this place is supposed to be, the head chef was the guy from Gigi’s, and Cee Lo…

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Poetryview: Kill Your Idol 3 Comments Read more »

Poetryview: Kill Your Idol

Every now and then I feel like going poetic and I turn a regular review into what I like to call a poetryview. Baudelaire, Poe, Frost… Winters.

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Buck 15 2 Comments Read more »

Buck 15

Buck 15 has such a ghetto-ass entrance I thought I needed to provide some kind of password to get in. Like the doorman would ask, “how much is a buck fifteen worth to the Loch Ness monster” and the answer is, “…about tree-fitty.” I had…

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Jimmy'z Kitchen 2 Comments Read more »

Jimmy’z Kitchen

Aside from their glaring deficiencies with the English language judging by their inability to grasp possessiveness rules, Jimmy’z Kitchen knows how to put down an acceptable meal. It’s kind of like Chat Roulette except not as much penis. I’m on South Beach with a friend…

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Arkadia 2 Comments Read more »

Arkadia

I had been to Arkadia for the first time early this year, but it wasn’t for very long and my state of mind was compromised (read: drunk.) When I went again this past weekend, the first thought that came through my mind when I started…

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Segafredo L'Originale 3 Comments Read more »

Segafredo L’Originale

Short of drilling a hole through the wall at the boy’s locker room to gain viewing access to the girl’s locker room in any ’80s teen movie, Segafredo on Lincoln Road is the best way to score voyeur boners on South Beach. …Segafredo on Lincoln…

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Mondrian South Beach Leave a comment Read more »

Mondrian South Beach

[post_intro] [/post_intro] South Beach hotels, along with brothels and used car dealerships, are places where you know with unequivocal certainty that there are some people being fucked at any given moment in time. …there are some people being fucked at any given moment in time.…

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Yuca Leave a comment Read more »

Yuca

[post_intro] [/post_intro] If you think you can dance salsa but haven’t actually taken any formal classes, I dare you to make a trip to Yuca on a weekend night and make that claim to a sweaty girl in heels and a ridiculous booty. I DARE…

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