Tag Archives: midtown

Daily Melt Leave a comment Read more »

Daily Melt

Grilled cheese is childish peasant food, which is probably why I love it so much. It’s pretty hard to fuck up a slab of melted cheese between two slices of bread, so I’m trying real hard here to think of things to say. “Chasm”, that’s…

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Feverish Pops 2 Comments Read more »

Feverish Pops

Quick question: What’s the most amount of money you’ve ever spent on popsicles? OH, THAT’S CUTE, I JUST SPENT $30. I thought that last sentence would have more “oomph”, but even though $30 for popsicles is a lot, when you look at “I just spent…

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Rincon Escondido Leave a comment Read more »

Rincon Escondido

“Spanish” is one of those words overused by morons when they actually mean to say “Hispanic”. It pisses me off. It’s like calling an American “English” because that’s the language they speak. English people are English, Spanish people are Spanish. This is a Spanish restaurant.…

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Morgan's Restaurant 3 Comments Read more »

Morgan’s Restaurant

My little sister is an undiagnosed alcoholic. I don’t know how one diagnoses that sort of bullshit “disease” (it’s not a disease, you just fucking drink too much) but I’m willing to bet she’s got the virus that causes it. The thing about alcoholism is…

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The Stage Leave a comment Read more »

The Stage

I’ve been told multiple times that I’m a creative writin’ motherfucker. I had one lady say I was “like a young Hunter S. Thompson if he were an asshole.” Talk about a simultaneous “fuck you” and “thank you”, lady, especially since it makes no goddamn…

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100 Montaditos 6 Comments Read more »

100 Montaditos

“100 little variety penises in my mouth” is what this place needs to be called. I was there with my friend last night and she said, “I wish jizz tasted like this” while referring to the sauce on one of those chicken ones I had.…

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Tapas y Tintos Midtown 1 Comment Read more »

Tapas y Tintos Midtown

You know how you love your child but sometimes you want to murder it and frame the murder on your high school counselor because she didn’t accept your sexual advances? Me neither. You know how you love your child but sometimes you want to murder…

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Sugarcane Raw Bar Grill 1 Comment Read more »

Sugarcane Raw Bar Grill

Like Celia Cruz said, “azucar!” She doesn’t say that anymore, unfortunately, because she’s dead. Do you remember where you were and what you were doing when you found out she died? No? But you remember 9/11, you inconsiderate asshole. Even though this place is like…

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Wynwood Kitchen & Bar Leave a comment Read more »

Wynwood Kitchen & Bar

Wynwood Kitchen and Bar should be renamed Wynwood Kitsch Bar. I’m just fucking around, it’s not that bad. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s not great, but it’s not evil. Let’s just say I wouldn’t choose to go there if the decision were left…

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Andalus Leave a comment Read more »

Andalus

[post_intro] [/post_intro] This is like the Doral of midtown lounges; full of Venezuelans. And also other varieties of South Americans. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, I’m just preparing you if you don’t like fake tits and an overuse of the word “pana.” First…

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