Tag Archives: miami reviews

Marlins Park 3 Comments Read more »

Marlins Park

I’ve been a Marlins fan since I watched that old fuck Charlie Hough pitch his shitty knuckleball against the Dodgers. I’ve been an anti-fan of Joe Robbie Stadium (I have trouble remembering who the quarterly sponsor is, so I just call it that) since I…

Share

A Frat Bro Reviews Akashi 2 Comments Read more »

A Frat Bro Reviews Akashi

FUCKING CHINESE PEOPLE KNOW HOW TO DO EVERYTHING RIGHT, AND SUSHI SEEMS LIKE ONE OF THEM. I HATE THAT SUSHI SHIT BECAUSE IT TASTES LIKE RANCID CHOCH, BUT MY GIRL LOVES IT MORE THAN SHE LOVES ME SKEET SHOOTING. HAHAHA SKEET SHOOTING BRO GET IT?…

Share

Foxhole 1 Comment Read more »

Foxhole

If I could go back to the twenties and not be hanged or disenfranchised for being an outspoken minority with future technology, I would totally go grab a drink or two with some flat-chested hookers at a speakeasy. That’s why the Foxhole seemed like such…

Share

Yardbird Southern Table & Bar 5 Comments Read more »

Yardbird Southern Table & Bar

If Yardbird had a dick, Miami would be sucking it. I knew only three things coming into this place: People don’t shut the fuck up about how amazing this place is supposed to be, the head chef was the guy from Gigi’s, and Cee Lo…

Share

Morgan's Restaurant 3 Comments Read more »

Morgan’s Restaurant

My little sister is an undiagnosed alcoholic. I don’t know how one diagnoses that sort of bullshit “disease” (it’s not a disease, you just fucking drink too much) but I’m willing to bet she’s got the virus that causes it. The thing about alcoholism is…

Share

CLOS Bistro & Cafe Leave a comment Read more »

CLOS Bistro & Cafe

CLOS is the sort of place that if I legitimately rated places using a 5-star system, it would receive four solid stars. I know anything less than five stars sounds like a diss, but to put it into perspective out of a 5-star rating I…

Share

Flip Burger Bar 4 Comments Read more »

Flip Burger Bar

Being told a place has the best macaroni and cheese of any other place known to man is as bold a claim as being told Sarah Jessica Parker is attractive. That’s exactly what I was told about Flip’s mac & cheese, so naturally I had…

Share

Taqueria El Mexicano 3 Comments Read more »

Taqueria El Mexicano

Everything started out pretty decent here, but then at about the third taco in I started hallucinating and reality began to warp itself around me as I forgot who I was, why I needed to eat, and why hummingbirds need to be eradicated from this…

Share

Blackbird Ordinary 2 Comments Read more »

Blackbird Ordinary

When Transit closed down, I was like as livid as a Black Panther finding out the fact that he’s of around 20% European ancestry. African Americans don’t know that shit, but Wesley Snipes is probably the only black American without a white great great great…

Share

Damn Good Burger 3 Comments Read more »

Damn Good Burger

A more apt name for this place would be, “Damn, A Good Burger Would Be Nice Right About Now”. It tries hard to be something it’s not and does it by mostly taking the shitty elements of other burger joints. One thing they know how…

Share

Page 4 of 18« First...2345610...Last »