Tag Archives: miami restaurants

Buffalo Wild Wings Leave a comment Read more »

Buffalo Wild Wings

I propose they rename this place to “BuffalOK, I Guess, Wings” because they’re not that fucking good. They have a lot of variety, sure, but there’s like fourteen different types of herpes and none of them are good either, so whatever. You want proof that…

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Texas de Brazil Leave a comment Read more »

Texas de Brazil

Buffets are the most goddamn American things since electric guitars and indigenous genocide. Sure, it’s a french word, but so is entrepreneur, as in, “Look at that entrepreneur.” And so is découpage, as in, “What the fuck is découpage?” I hear this place is like…

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Bulldog Barbecue 1 Comment Read more »

Bulldog Barbecue

Barbecue sauce is a condiment I can put on just about everything that fits in my mouth. Having barbecue doesn’t necessarily imply that everything will be slathered in barbecue sauce, but it gives me hope. Hope that at least 70% of the shit on the…

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Blue Collar 13 Comments Read more »

Blue Collar

Move over, every other restaurant I’ve ever been to, because Blue Collar is here to put some goddamn hair on my chest. If you can find the place nestled on the corner of a fuck motel with an “I hope I don’t get towed” parking…

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Naked Pizza Leave a comment Read more »

Naked Pizza

When considering eating healthy food, one of the last things you think of is pizza, right behind dynamite covered in sandpaper. That’s what a normal person’s reaction is. The folks who created Naked Pizza tend to think a little more differently, however. Naked Pizza is…

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Oceanaire Seafood Room 8 Comments Read more »

Oceanaire Seafood Room

Last night, I went to the Oceanaire and felt a bit like a Beverly Hillbilly. Look, I’m no stranger to fine dining, but every time a waiter says, “Pardon my reach” I start wondering why no one at Chili’s ever said that shit to me…

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The Original Big Tomato Pizza 1 Comment Read more »

The Original Big Tomato Pizza

I generally like my pizzas about as thin as the plot to any Michael Bay movie. When the argument over New York style versus Chicago style comes up, lines are drawn and allegiances form, thus defining who I’m going to hate and who I’m going…

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The Capital Grille 3 Comments Read more »

The Capital Grille

I’ve been busy as shit lately but since Miami Spice has rolled around it’s a requirement for every citizen to make time. When I say “every citizen” I don’t mean “every US citizen” since that only applies to, like, 18 people in Miami. I just…

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Pollo Tropical 3 Comments Read more »

Pollo Tropical

Let’s slum it for a second so I can tell you all about how Pollo Tropical is man’s best asset besides opposable thumbs. One could pose a strong argument for La Granja being superior, but allow me to explain why Pollo Tropical would be one…

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Rincon Escondido Leave a comment Read more »

Rincon Escondido

“Spanish” is one of those words overused by morons when they actually mean to say “Hispanic”. It pisses me off. It’s like calling an American “English” because that’s the language they speak. English people are English, Spanish people are Spanish. This is a Spanish restaurant.…

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