Tag Archives: design district

The Stage Leave a comment Read more »

The Stage

I’ve been told multiple times that I’m a creative writin’ motherfucker. I had one lady say I was “like a young Hunter S. Thompson if he were an asshole.” Talk about a simultaneous “fuck you” and “thank you”, lady, especially since it makes no goddamn…

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Andalus Leave a comment Read more »

Andalus

[post_intro] [/post_intro] This is like the Doral of midtown lounges; full of Venezuelans. And also other varieties of South Americans. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, I’m just preparing you if you don’t like fake tits and an overuse of the word “pana.” First…

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Mandolin Aegean Bistro Leave a comment Read more »

Mandolin Aegean Bistro

[post_intro] [/post_intro] The Greeks invented a number of things we still see today: Democracy, pederasty, and gods that will inevitably always let you down and in many cases leave you worse off than you were before. Greek food is comparable to boy-loving. As you can…

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Lemoni Cafe 1 Comment Read more »

Lemoni Cafe

[post_intro] [/post_intro] I was introduced to this spot by yet another girl I lacked the maturity to commit to. At first I was reminded of a Starbucks until the second time I visited and realized they served pretty banging food. We sat down and talked…

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Mai Tardi 2 Comments Read more »

Mai Tardi

[post_intro] [/post_intro] Mai Tardi, Italian for “never too late”, is fitting because once you arrive it’s never too late to get the fuck up and go someplace else. I’m kidding, I like this place, but I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to use that line.…

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Sra. Martinez Leave a comment Read more »

Sra. Martinez

[post_intro] [/post_intro] With a name like this you expect to be paying $2.25 for a big-ass plate of rice and beans sprinkled with E. coli in Hialeah. I’ve done that before and it caused me to have the shits for 3 days. I dined here…

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Gigi 7 Comments Read more »

Gigi

[post_intro] [/post_intro] I know why all you assholes give this place rave reviews. It’s because you’re all alcoholics. Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about because just about all of you are guilty of this shit. It’s either Denny’s or “that place…

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Buena Vista Bistro 1 Comment Read more »

Buena Vista Bistro

[post_intro] [/post_intro] Tiny places like this is what Miami needs more of instead of gimmicky burger + beer houses. We get it, burgers and beer are a great combination, now tell Burger King to get out of that game because Miller Lite and Whoppers are…

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