A sarcastirical look at, well, everything. Updates every weekday at 10 AM…ish. But let’s be honest, sometimes I don’t feel like it.
Complaint Letter to Target 1 Comment Read more »

Complaint Letter to Target

My girlfriend made the mistake of buying Target-brand sealable freezer bags. I’ve forgiven her, and now we’re back together, but I decided to write a letter to Target about it. This is what I sent them. Hey Target, Recently, my girlfriend suggested we go to…

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Zimmerman. 3 Comments Read more »

Zimmerman.

Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman, Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman. Zimmerman? Zimmerman. Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman, Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman, Zimmerman, Zimmerman, Zimmerman Zimmerman. Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman…

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Daily Melt Leave a comment Read more »

Daily Melt

Grilled cheese is childish peasant food, which is probably why I love it so much. It’s pretty hard to fuck up a slab of melted cheese between two slices of bread, so I’m trying real hard here to think of things to say. “Chasm”, that’s…

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Laser Quest Leave a comment Read more »

Laser Quest

Shooting little kids in the back (with lasers, chill the hell out, Michael Moore) is a lot harder than I thought it would be. It sounds easy enough, in theory, but when you’re stuck in a room that looks like either a crazy acid trip…

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Brickell Smoke Shop 1 Comment Read more »

Brickell Smoke Shop

The most fun thing about smoke shops is their “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy. I’ve never gone to another store and spoken in euphemisms to get what I wanted. Even if I went to a sex toy shop, I’d be like, “Hey, I’d like a…

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The Filling Station & Garage Bar 1 Comment Read more »

The Filling Station & Garage Bar

If you’ve ever been roadblocked by hordes of bicycling assholes on a Friday night, it’s likely they ended up at the Filling Station to quench their overarching case of smugness. But even though road cyclists and I don’t see eye to eye on everything, and…

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Get My Book For Free Today Leave a comment Read more »

Get My Book For Free Today

Dying to read my book, but can’t stop thinking, “I don’t want to give this motherfucker any money”? Well, stop thinking, and start taking my hard work for free! My book is available TODAY ONLY for free on Kindle. You have no excuse to not…

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In-N-Out Burger Miami 2 Comments Read more »

In-N-Out Burger Miami

When I first heard about In-N-Out opening in Miami, I quickly navigated over to weather.com and searched for “Hialeah, FL” to see if Hell had frozen over. It was 68 degrees, so for Miami standards it might as well have. I don’t personally know of…

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Feverish Pops 2 Comments Read more »

Feverish Pops

Quick question: What’s the most amount of money you’ve ever spent on popsicles? OH, THAT’S CUTE, I JUST SPENT $30. I thought that last sentence would have more “oomph”, but even though $30 for popsicles is a lot, when you look at “I just spent…

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WTF, Orlando, Why Haven't You Written In So Long? Leave a comment Read more »

WTF, Orlando, Why Haven’t You Written In So Long?

I’ll get back to it soon, I’ve just been a little busy lately. I’ll get something out this week. To keep you entertained until then, here is a GIF of a cat who may or may not ever make it to the top.

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