A sarcastirical look at, well, everything. Updates every weekday at 10 AM…ish. But let’s be honest, sometimes I don’t feel like it.
Passion Nightclub Isn't As Bad As I Thought 4 Comments Read more »

Passion Nightclub Isn’t As Bad As I Thought

Earlier I wrote about Passion and how bad it is. It appears I was wrong. Their owner reached out to me and offered an olive branch.

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El Palacio De Los Jugos 7 Comments Read more »

El Palacio De Los Jugos

[post_intro] [/post_intro] If you’re Cuban and you’ve never been here, guess what, you’re not really Cuban. With the exception of Ño Que Barato and the welfare office, this is one of the spickiest places in Miami. This is not a palace and its highlight is…

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A Frat Bro Reviews Hooters 3 Comments Read more »

A Frat Bro Reviews Hooters

[post_intro] [/post_intro] HAHAHA BRO HOOTERS HAS SO MANY FUCKING TITS IT’S AMAZING. MY BUDDY FRANK THE TANK SAYS IT’S COOL TO GRAB THE CHICKS’ ASSES AS LONG AS YOU TIP THEM WELL SO I ALWAYS SHOW UP WITH A ROLL OF SINGLES. SLINGBLADE WAS BALLS…

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Balans 4 Comments Read more »

Balans

[post_intro] [/post_intro] A world without brunch would be like a world where Justin Bieber has integrity. It just wouldn’t feel right at all. Some of you may be aware of how much I love brunch, but for those of you that aren’t let me give…

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Lemoni Cafe 1 Comment Read more »

Lemoni Cafe

[post_intro] [/post_intro] I was introduced to this spot by yet another girl I lacked the maturity to commit to. At first I was reminded of a Starbucks until the second time I visited and realized they served pretty banging food. We sat down and talked…

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Cerro Negro 4 Comments Read more »

Cerro Negro

[post_intro] [/post_intro] Sweetwater isn’t known for its fine cuisine. Its staple dessert is churros from the back of a truck that hasn’t run since the Bay of Pigs invasion. Even so, you can find some gems in the rough. Those gems are cubic zirconia, but…

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Things I Would Do if I Had a Terminal Illness 1 Comment Read more »

Things I Would Do if I Had a Terminal Illness

Being the polarizing driving force behind a blog with controversial critiques and potty humor means I spend a lot of time thinking about being murdered via a poetic stab in the neck with a filleting knife. Getting my ass kicked by a couple of roided…

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A Lesson in Food 5 Comments Read more »

A Lesson in Food

Everyone has to eat. Most of us eat organic matter to sustain ourselves while others do well feeding on the souls of forsaken demons from the deepest, darkest, most neglected portions of hell. Yes, Karl Rove likes his demonic delicacies fresh and organic so he…

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Lincoln Theatre 2 Comments Read more »

Lincoln Theatre

[post_intro] [/post_intro] As a former band nerd and ongoing classical music enthusiast I’m a fan of the Lincoln Theatre. I wonder if in 100 years this place will still be open, and if Run DMC will be considered classical by then. It’d be cool to…

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A Trek Through the Amazon: The Lost Reviews, Volume 7 Leave a comment Read more »

A Trek Through the Amazon: The Lost Reviews, Volume 7

Before I started writing on Yelp and subsequently here, I used to write 5-star reviews on Amazon. For the vast majority of them, they were either declined upon submission or removed soon after. A few, the more tame ones, were lucky enough to remain. This…

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