A column where I explain concepts to people in ways even a fuckin’ child can understand it. Though I use a lot of bad words, so you probably shouldn’t read this to children. Question World War I. Why? So there were these motherfuckers called Austria-Hungary,…
My little sister is an undiagnosed alcoholic. I don’t know how one diagnoses that sort of bullshit “disease” (it’s not a disease, you just fucking drink too much) but I’m willing to bet she’s got the virus that causes it. The thing about alcoholism is…
Hialeah is like a third-world version of Miami. The Opa Locka Hialeah Flea Market is like a 99th-world version of Hialeah if Hialeah were the name of a run-down strip club in Haiti. What I love most about the flea market is how they have…
CLOS is the sort of place that if I legitimately rated places using a 5-star system, it would receive four solid stars. I know anything less than five stars sounds like a diss, but to put it into perspective out of a 5-star rating I…
Being told a place has the best macaroni and cheese of any other place known to man is as bold a claim as being told Sarah Jessica Parker is attractive. That’s exactly what I was told about Flip’s mac & cheese, so naturally I had…
30 Rock assured me my girlfriend and I would break up if we went to IKEA together. I was getting ready to pack all her shit up for her and help her book a flight from Sunrise back to Miami. Well, we’re still together, which…
I’ve never been a fan of Chris Brown. I feel like he’s beating me every time I hear his shitty music. Earlier this week the people in charge of giving wealthy musicians more things to gloat about decided Chris Brown absolutely needed a Grammy that…
Everything started out pretty decent here, but then at about the third taco in I started hallucinating and reality began to warp itself around me as I forgot who I was, why I needed to eat, and why hummingbirds need to be eradicated from this…
Passion Nightclub“Fuck you then.” That’s what I said to…
A Lesson in Miami DrivingMiami has a notorious reputation for road rage.…
Pictures of Celebrities I Drew By Taping a Marker Onto My ErectionEver since I was a young lad, I…Copyright © 2011 Boy Writes Miami. All rights reserved
