Hialeah is like a third-world version of Miami. The Opa Locka Hialeah Flea Market is like a 99th-world version of Hialeah if Hialeah were the name of a run-down strip club in Haiti. What I love most about the flea market is how they have…
30 Rock assured me my girlfriend and I would break up if we went to IKEA together. I was getting ready to pack all her shit up for her and help her book a flight from Sunrise back to Miami. Well, we’re still together, which…
Normally on Fridays I like leaving reviews about places you can visit over the weekend, like restaurants, clubs, or graveyards to have kinky forbidden ghost sex. I wonder what that’s like. If you’d like to join me in experimenting this sort of sexual endeavor, email…
[post_intro] [/post_intro] Perricones is a little half-restaurant, half-market, half-bar, half-this-is-shitty-math hidden in Mary Brickell Village. I’m serious, dude, it’s hidden behind bushes, trees, and an annoying little valet parking spot. It’s like the Narnia of Brickell, except the only goat-people around are in the kitchen…
19th Century Time-traveling Gentleman’s Review: Il Gabbiano [post_intro] [/post_intro] As a gentleman bred of the highest American pedigree, it was of surprise to me the way restauranteurs of the 21st century comported themselves. This establishment, however, redeemed its compatriots in certain attributes. I found it…
[post_intro] [/post_intro] Sam Ash is like Best Buy for dudes who have tattoos and can’t read music. Over the years, I’ve amassed a respectable amount of knowledge, but within it there are a couple of irrefutable universal absolute FACTS: 1) The entropy of an isolated…
[post_intro] [/post_intro] I go to Radio Shack as often as Tiger Woods cheats on his wife. I’m constantly on the verge of inventing a device that will revolutionize humanity. I’m constantly on the verge of inventing a device that will revolutionize humanity. That’s geek slang…
[post_intro] [/post_intro] “Getting mugged” is a synonym for “shopping at the Apple Store.” I’m not a hater, I have a Mac Pro, a Macbook Pro, an iPhone, and a multitude of Apple-branded software. However, I recognize a Sasha Grey-inspired public fisting when I see one.…
[post_intro] [/post_intro] The best thing about Sports Authority are the fat people. They walk around in there like they’re ashamed of what they’re doing, like they’re going against the fat union and they’re afraid there will be retribution. They hide and masquerade their face sort…
[post_intro] [/post_intro] This story begins three years ago. It was an ordinary day and I needed to use an ATM. I stopped by the Publix and used one of the outdoor ATMs. On my way back to my car, I noticed something glistening in the…
Passion Nightclub“Fuck you then.” That’s what I said to…
A Lesson in Miami DrivingMiami has a notorious reputation for road rage.…
Pictures of Celebrities I Drew By Taping a Marker Onto My ErectionEver since I was a young lad, I…Copyright © 2011 Boy Writes Miami. All rights reserved
