Category Archives: Reviews

Opa Locka-Hialeah Flea Market 3 Comments Read more »

Opa Locka-Hialeah Flea Market

Hialeah is like a third-world version of Miami. The Opa Locka Hialeah Flea Market is like a 99th-world version of Hialeah if Hialeah were the name of a run-down strip club in Haiti. What I love most about the flea market is how they have…

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CLOS Bistro & Cafe Leave a comment Read more »

CLOS Bistro & Cafe

CLOS is the sort of place that if I legitimately rated places using a 5-star system, it would receive four solid stars. I know anything less than five stars sounds like a diss, but to put it into perspective out of a 5-star rating I…

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Flip Burger Bar 4 Comments Read more »

Flip Burger Bar

Being told a place has the best macaroni and cheese of any other place known to man is as bold a claim as being told Sarah Jessica Parker is attractive. That’s exactly what I was told about Flip’s mac & cheese, so naturally I had…

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IKEA Leave a comment Read more »

IKEA

30 Rock assured me my girlfriend and I would break up if we went to IKEA together. I was getting ready to pack all her shit up for her and help her book a flight from Sunrise back to Miami. Well, we’re still together, which…

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Taqueria El Mexicano 3 Comments Read more »

Taqueria El Mexicano

Everything started out pretty decent here, but then at about the third taco in I started hallucinating and reality began to warp itself around me as I forgot who I was, why I needed to eat, and why hummingbirds need to be eradicated from this…

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Blackbird Ordinary 2 Comments Read more »

Blackbird Ordinary

When Transit closed down, I was like as livid as a Black Panther finding out the fact that he’s of around 20% European ancestry. African Americans don’t know that shit, but Wesley Snipes is probably the only black American without a white great great great…

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Damn Good Burger 3 Comments Read more »

Damn Good Burger

A more apt name for this place would be, “Damn, A Good Burger Would Be Nice Right About Now”. It tries hard to be something it’s not and does it by mostly taking the shitty elements of other burger joints. One thing they know how…

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Sports Grill 5 Comments Read more »

Sports Grill

Chicken wings are to men what naked pillow fights and pretending you’re inserting a penis in you when you don a tampon are to women; they’re essential. The beer and wings combo is second only to beer and pizza in the “holy shit I can…

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The Stage Leave a comment Read more »

The Stage

I’ve been told multiple times that I’m a creative writin’ motherfucker. I had one lady say I was “like a young Hunter S. Thompson if he were an asshole.” Talk about a simultaneous “fuck you” and “thank you”, lady, especially since it makes no goddamn…

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RA Sushi Bar Restaurant 10 Comments Read more »

RA Sushi Bar Restaurant

By now my readers are aware of how much I hate sushi (hint: a lot) and how I’d rather be the City of Sweetwater’s comptroller than even look at sushi. I’m not even sure what a comptroller is, but I can only assume it’s the…

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