Category Archives: Restaurants

CLOS Bistro & Cafe Leave a comment Read more »

CLOS Bistro & Cafe

CLOS is the sort of place that if I legitimately rated places using a 5-star system, it would receive four solid stars. I know anything less than five stars sounds like a diss, but to put it into perspective out of a 5-star rating I…

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Flip Burger Bar 4 Comments Read more »

Flip Burger Bar

Being told a place has the best macaroni and cheese of any other place known to man is as bold a claim as being told Sarah Jessica Parker is attractive. That’s exactly what I was told about Flip’s mac & cheese, so naturally I had…

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Taqueria El Mexicano 3 Comments Read more »

Taqueria El Mexicano

Everything started out pretty decent here, but then at about the third taco in I started hallucinating and reality began to warp itself around me as I forgot who I was, why I needed to eat, and why hummingbirds need to be eradicated from this…

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Blackbird Ordinary 2 Comments Read more »

Blackbird Ordinary

When Transit closed down, I was like as livid as a Black Panther finding out the fact that he’s of around 20% European ancestry. African Americans don’t know that shit, but Wesley Snipes is probably the only black American without a white great great great…

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Damn Good Burger 3 Comments Read more »

Damn Good Burger

A more apt name for this place would be, “Damn, A Good Burger Would Be Nice Right About Now”. It tries hard to be something it’s not and does it by mostly taking the shitty elements of other burger joints. One thing they know how…

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Sports Grill 5 Comments Read more »

Sports Grill

Chicken wings are to men what naked pillow fights and pretending you’re inserting a penis in you when you don a tampon are to women; they’re essential. The beer and wings combo is second only to beer and pizza in the “holy shit I can…

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RA Sushi Bar Restaurant 10 Comments Read more »

RA Sushi Bar Restaurant

By now my readers are aware of how much I hate sushi (hint: a lot) and how I’d rather be the City of Sweetwater’s comptroller than even look at sushi. I’m not even sure what a comptroller is, but I can only assume it’s the…

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Boy Writes Los Angeles: Roscoe's House of Chicken & Waffles 3 Comments Read more »

Boy Writes Los Angeles: Roscoe’s House of Chicken & Waffles

Having just recovered from an anus-obliterating bout of crappuccino-like diarrhea, recalling my fond memories of the eclectic mix of fried chicken and waffles is disheartening since the mere thought of solid food right now is as disgusting as the rum and coke-looking feces I was…

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100 Montaditos 6 Comments Read more »

100 Montaditos

“100 little variety penises in my mouth” is what this place needs to be called. I was there with my friend last night and she said, “I wish jizz tasted like this” while referring to the sauce on one of those chicken ones I had.…

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Elwoods Gastro Pub 3 Comments Read more »

Elwoods Gastro Pub

This place is run by the most British-looking bloke I’ve ever seen in my life. He’s like a mix of a Beatle and early 20th century imperialism. I’ve never spoken to the man because I’m afraid of him turning out to be some Cubanaso that’s…

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