Category Archives: Restaurants

Gigi 7 Comments Read more »

Gigi

[post_intro] [/post_intro] I know why all you assholes give this place rave reviews. It’s because you’re all alcoholics. Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about because just about all of you are guilty of this shit. It’s either Denny’s or “that place…

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Wok Town Leave a comment Read more »

Wok Town

[post_intro] [/post_intro] Look at that adorable little Asian girl. LOOK AT HER. Asian babies are the cutest thing in the world. If I could have a little Asian daughter that stayed tiny forever without resorting to becoming a midget (the proportions get all fucked up)…

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Rice House of Kabob Leave a comment Read more »

Rice House of Kabob

[post_intro] [/post_intro] I know what you’re thinking: “Terrorists!” Let me stop you right there. These guys are Persian, which only makes them terrorist-lite because they’re still in the Axis of Evil but haven’t actually done anything… yet. …they’re still in the Axis of Evil… I…

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Andiamo! Brick Oven Pizza Leave a comment Read more »

Andiamo! Brick Oven Pizza

[post_intro] [/post_intro] The dude banging my little sister swears by this pizza. I know, I could’ve easily said “my little sister’s boyfriend” to describe him considering they’ve been together for 2 years, but I feel “dude banging my little sister” is a pretty good synonym.…

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Buena Vista Bistro 1 Comment Read more »

Buena Vista Bistro

[post_intro] [/post_intro] Tiny places like this is what Miami needs more of instead of gimmicky burger + beer houses. We get it, burgers and beer are a great combination, now tell Burger King to get out of that game because Miller Lite and Whoppers are…

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Original Pancake House 3 Comments Read more »

Original Pancake House

[post_intro] [/post_intro] Breakfast food is great because its core boils down to an amalgamation of enslaved and/or slaughtered farm animals. I would say “PETA, eat your hearts out,” but that’s useless since they can’t because they’re pussy vegans. Denny’s has been slinging [shitty] pancakes since…

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Barton G the Restaurant Leave a comment Read more »

Barton G the Restaurant

[post_intro] [/post_intro] Barton G was founded by Kenny G’s younger, straighter brother. Actually, I don’t know if that’s true. Barton may be gayer than Kenny, I would need someone with keen gaydar to assess the situation for me. He’s definitely more eccentric. This is a…

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La Nonna Leave a comment Read more »

La Nonna

[post_intro] [/post_intro] Don’t assume that the photo I used on this entry is from La Nonna. That’s almost always the case, but not this time. You see, this place is so damn cheap and backwards it lacks a web site. What’s more, there seems to…

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Lost and Found Saloon 2 Comments Read more »

Lost and Found Saloon

[post_intro] [/post_intro] If Al Swearengen were still alive that would be so awesome. That doesn’t really have anything to do with this review, especially since Swearengen made his domain the northern frontier. A few tips before you venture into what I assumed was an “authentic”…

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Van Dyke Cafe Leave a comment Read more »

Van Dyke Cafe

[post_intro] [/post_intro] The Van Dyke Cafe has nothing to do with a lesbian’s penchant for her Dodge Caravan. I feel it’s important to make that distinction so you don’t set foot in there harboring the same expectations I did. Fun fact, Van Dyke Cafe was…

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