Category Archives: Random

The Miamian's Guide to Zika Leave a comment Read more »

The Miamian’s Guide to Zika

As you’re probably already aware, Miami has received annoying, bloodsucking assholes from Brazil. And more recently, they’ve sent over mosquitoes as well. Zika fever has been an ongoing problem in Asia, Africa, and South/Caribbean America, but has recently become a real problem now that white…

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How to Be a Miami Millionaire 1 Comment Read more »

How to Be a Miami Millionaire

Miami’s wage gap is bigger than the ass implants of its most vain citizens, everybody knows that. Housing is generally not affordable. We outrank Detroit, AKA “We Can’t Even Afford an AKA”, as the worst place to live. We have Zika. That last one isn’t relevant, I just wanted to remind you in case somehow you forgot about that shit.

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And now, a new article! Leave a comment Read more »

And now, a new article!

Finally, a new article! I want to take the time to write about something important to me, and I hope you enjoy it. If not, go fuck yourself, I don’t care.

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“I Wanna Marry Harry” is so terrible, people don’t even make fun of it.

When looking for quality television, scoping out the reality genre is like asking 2 Chainz to double check the grammar in your research paper. You should already know that reality TV is stupid as fuck just by the name. Why? Well, pick one of two…

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The “What Kind of Buzzfeed Quiz Taker Are You?” Quiz

If you’ve ever wanted to know what actor would play you in the worst movie of all time, whether you’re Cotton-Eyed Joe, or if you should eat a fucking snack, Buzzfeed has you covered! Buzzfeed quizzes are all the rage these days! Find out what…

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The Weirdest/Stupidest Sites on the Internet Leave a comment Read more »

The Weirdest/Stupidest Sites on the Internet

The Internet is weird. For some of you, the terms “Goatse”, “Tub Girl”, and “Lemon Party” mean nothing. For others, I’ve hit a few triggers and you’re currently in the fetal position asking the world to make it stop, to make the pain go away.…

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Target Wrote Me Back Leave a comment Read more »

Target Wrote Me Back

Last week, I wrote a letter to Target about one of their products rebelling against me and thus dishonoring my family, friends, and pet cat. They replied promptly, and I’m impressed by that. What I’m not impressed by, however, is their refusal to comply with…

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Zimmerman. 3 Comments Read more »

Zimmerman.

Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman, Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman. Zimmerman? Zimmerman. Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman, Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman, Zimmerman, Zimmerman, Zimmerman Zimmerman. Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman…

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WTF, Orlando, Why Haven't You Written In So Long? Leave a comment Read more »

WTF, Orlando, Why Haven’t You Written In So Long?

I’ll get back to it soon, I’ve just been a little busy lately. I’ll get something out this week. To keep you entertained until then, here is a GIF of a cat who may or may not ever make it to the top.

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My First Book Will Be On Sale Next Week Leave a comment Read more »

My First Book Will Be On Sale Next Week

If you’re not privy to it yet, allow me to fill you in. Next week, as early as Monday, my book Stop Being a F***ing Idiot will be available on the Kindle store. Not long after, the paperback edition will be available. Nook users, you’ll…

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