Category Archives: Lessons

The Miamian's Guide to Zika Leave a comment Read more »

The Miamian’s Guide to Zika

As you’re probably already aware, Miami has received annoying, bloodsucking assholes from Brazil. And more recently, they’ve sent over mosquitoes as well. Zika fever has been an ongoing problem in Asia, Africa, and South/Caribbean America, but has recently become a real problem now that white…

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Another Lesson in Miami Driving 3 Comments Read more »

Another Lesson in Miami Driving

For the most part, I don’t disagree with Hitler’s actions. What I disagree on was his choice of victims. Jews are awesome, gays are fabulous, and the handicapped don’t really need any more shit piled on them. If the Third Reich decided to gas and…

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How to Be a Miami Millionaire 2 Comments Read more »

How to Be a Miami Millionaire

Miami’s wage gap is bigger than the ass implants of its most vain citizens, everybody knows that. Housing is generally not affordable. We outrank Detroit, AKA “We Can’t Even Afford an AKA”, as the worst place to live. We have Zika. That last one isn’t relevant, I just wanted to remind you in case somehow you forgot about that shit.

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A Lesson in Making Good Friends 1 Comment Read more »

A Lesson in Making Good Friends

I wanted to start this off like one of those Reader’s Digest columns where an email to an editor is written out, followed by a thoughtful response, but these days I don’t get those kinds of emails. The only emails I get are the ones…

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Why Does Africa Suck So Much Ass? 11 Comments Read more »

Why Does Africa Suck So Much Ass?

Over the years, I’ve gotten into discussions with people about Africa, and why it’s a shithole. My interest in the topic comes from the fact that I’m working on a book that aims to distill human history into a vulgar explanation any layman can get…

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A Boy Explains: World War II 2 Comments Read more »

A Boy Explains: World War II

A column where I explain concepts to people in ways even a fuckin’ child can understand it. Though I use a lot of bad words, so you probably shouldn’t read this to children. Question Cool, I understand World War I. But what about World War…

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A Boy Explains: World War I 6 Comments Read more »

A Boy Explains: World War I

A column where I explain concepts to people in ways even a fuckin’ child can understand it. Though I use a lot of bad words, so you probably shouldn’t read this to children. Question World War I. Why? So there were these motherfuckers called Austria-Hungary,…

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A Lesson in Food 5 Comments Read more »

A Lesson in Food

Everyone has to eat. Most of us eat organic matter to sustain ourselves while others do well feeding on the souls of forsaken demons from the deepest, darkest, most neglected portions of hell. Yes, Karl Rove likes his demonic delicacies fresh and organic so he…

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A Lesson in Women 5 Comments Read more »

A Lesson in Women

In the words of every black comedian ever, “bitches be crazy.” They have more issues than Time Magazine. More baggage than a train station in China. More hang-ups than a telemarketer. More emotional problems than… a person with a lot of emotional problems. It’s commonly…

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Music Which Unfortunately Exists 10 Comments Read more »

Music Which Unfortunately Exists

Once a person reaches a certain age, they start complaining more about the crap the upcoming generation is listening to. In my case, I do a lot of complaining about what my current generation listens to. Because my generation listens to horse shit. Lil’ Wayne,…

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