Category Archives: Clubs and Lounges

Yuca Leave a comment Read more »


[post_intro] [/post_intro] If you think you can dance salsa but haven’t actually taken any formal classes, I dare you to make a trip to Yuca on a weekend night and make that claim to a sweaty girl in heels and a ridiculous booty. I DARE…


Passion Nightclub Isn't As Bad As I Thought 4 Comments Read more »

Passion Nightclub Isn’t As Bad As I Thought

Earlier I wrote about Passion and how bad it is. It appears I was wrong. Their owner reached out to me and offered an olive branch.


Grand Central 6 Comments Read more »

Grand Central

[post_intro] [/post_intro] On your way to Grand Central you walk past so many homeless people it feels like this club is situated in the middle of a Darfur refugee camp. There is such a disconnect between seeing those hopeless souls, feeling bad for 8 seconds…


Mynt 1 Comment Read more »


[post_intro] [/post_intro] The key to creating a nightclub is picking a single word, then misspelling it. Mynt, Rokbar, LIV, etc. What is it about that? There are reasons why I usually avoid SoBe clubs. You have to be a very specific type of person to…


Segafredo Brickell 4 Comments Read more »

Segafredo Brickell

[post_intro] [/post_intro] This is the place I come to if I’m in the mood to get turned down by women all night. I don’t know, maybe I’m a masochist but I’m about as successful here as Nicholas Cage is good at acting yet I keep…


Baru Urbano Leave a comment Read more »

Baru Urbano

[post_intro] [/post_intro] Sometimes, I just wanna get my spic on. That’s the thought process that goes on right before I come here. I’m all like “Orlando, sometimes I just wanna get my motherfucking spic on,” and then people look at me funny because I say…


Passion Nightclub 52 Comments Read more »

Passion Nightclub

“Fuck you then.” That’s what I said to the asshole bouncer on a power trip by the register, and that’s why I was kicked out. I didn’t just say it to say it, I said it because the cocksucker deserved it. Allow me to explain.…


Cafeina 3 Comments Read more »


[post_intro] [/post_intro] Nestled neatly in a very safe, well-trafficked neighborhood, Cafeina boasts stunning decor and an attractive art gallery for all you mini Monets out there. That’s what I would say if it wasn’t in the middle of the fucking ghettos of Wynwood. This area…


Mia at Biscayne 2 Comments Read more »

Mia at Biscayne

[post_intro] [/post_intro] I’ve been to this place in club mode twice now, and if the Gods are listening I’ll never have to go there again. I’ve never been there during the day so I won’t be talking about that. I’m strictly reviewing the club scene.…


Miami Improv Leave a comment Read more »

Miami Improv

[post_intro] [/post_intro] I almost gave this place 4 stars because it’s not so awesome. The thing is, unlike my virginity, I want to give my first non 5-star rating to something special. For the record, since I know you’re thinking about it now, the process…


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