Category Archives: Bars

Segafredo Brickell 4 Comments Read more »

Segafredo Brickell

[post_intro] [/post_intro] This is the place I come to if I’m in the mood to get turned down by women all night. I don’t know, maybe I’m a masochist but I’m about as successful here as Nicholas Cage is good at acting yet I keep…


RedBar Gallery 1 Comment Read more »

RedBar Gallery

[post_intro] [/post_intro] When people use the phrase “hole in the wall” I can’t help but think of a glory hole. If you’re not familiar with the concept of a glory hole, it’s pretty much just a hole in the wall where on one end you…


Miami Improv Leave a comment Read more »

Miami Improv

[post_intro] [/post_intro] I almost gave this place 4 stars because it’s not so awesome. The thing is, unlike my virginity, I want to give my first non 5-star rating to something special. For the record, since I know you’re thinking about it now, the process…


Transit Lounge 1 Comment Read more »

Transit Lounge

[post_intro] [/post_intro] I live nearby, and recently I went to Transit Lounge alone with the sole intention of specifically meeting a girl I will never want to see again after that night. Transit is pretty good for that, because it’s populated by all types. Let…


Van Dyke Cafe Leave a comment Read more »

Van Dyke Cafe

[post_intro] [/post_intro] The Van Dyke Cafe has nothing to do with a lesbian’s penchant for her Dodge Caravan. I feel it’s important to make that distinction so you don’t set foot in there harboring the same expectations I did. Fun fact, Van Dyke Cafe was…


Bougainvillea's Old Florida Tavern 2 Comments Read more »

Bougainvillea’s Old Florida Tavern

I wrote this review a few months ago. It’s so damn irrelevant. [post_intro] [/post_intro] As I write this review I’m sitting in a plane, and because of the awful stench coming from the gentleman sitting beside me I hope it gets hijacked so I can…


Abraxas Lounge 4 Comments Read more »

Abraxas Lounge

[post_intro] [/post_intro] Abraxas trivia night is like anonymous sex. You’re getting fucked in a South Beach residential area and you’d rather not tell anyone about it. But you go back and do it every week. That’s pretty much my story. I have yet to win…


The Vagabond 6 Comments Read more »

The Vagabond

[post_intro] [/post_intro] I don’t know those two girls in the intro image. I chose to display them because they’re unthreateningly attractive. I mean, one of them is wearing a denim jacket. The only time denim could possibly make you threatening is if you’re a character…


Cerveza Leave a comment Read more »


[post_intro] [/post_intro] Jew beer. More specifically, He’Brew. I fucking love puns. Whoever says it’s the lowest form of comedy is the Antichrist’s left armpit. I came to this place last night for the first time to meet up with a PYT. Incidentally, I saw, for…


Houston’s Leave a comment Read more »


[post_intro] [/post_intro] What’s the most noticeable thing about Houston’s? The sheer amount of cougars you’ll find. Seriously. Last time I saw this many cougars in one place I was watching a special on Animal Planet. I dig the older chicks, they’re fantastic and buy their…


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