Author Archives: Orlando

Passion Nightclub 53 Comments Read more »

Passion Nightclub

“Fuck you then.” That’s what I said to the asshole bouncer on a power trip by the register, and that’s why I was kicked out. I didn’t just say it to say it, I said it because the cocksucker deserved it. Allow me to explain.…

Share

Gigi 7 Comments Read more »

Gigi

[post_intro] [/post_intro] I know why all you assholes give this place rave reviews. It’s because you’re all alcoholics. Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about because just about all of you are guilty of this shit. It’s either Denny’s or “that place…

Share

A Trek Through the Amazon: The Lost Reviews, Volume 3 Leave a comment Read more »

A Trek Through the Amazon: The Lost Reviews, Volume 3

Before I started writing on Yelp and subsequently here, I used to write 5-star reviews on Amazon. For the vast majority of them, they were either declined upon submission or removed soon after. A few, the more tame ones, were lucky enough to remain. This…

Share

Wok Town Leave a comment Read more »

Wok Town

[post_intro] [/post_intro] Look at that adorable little Asian girl. LOOK AT HER. Asian babies are the cutest thing in the world. If I could have a little Asian daughter that stayed tiny forever without resorting to becoming a midget (the proportions get all fucked up)…

Share

Cafeina 3 Comments Read more »

Cafeina

[post_intro] [/post_intro] Nestled neatly in a very safe, well-trafficked neighborhood, Cafeina boasts stunning decor and an attractive art gallery for all you mini Monets out there. That’s what I would say if it wasn’t in the middle of the fucking ghettos of Wynwood. This area…

Share

A Trek Through the Amazon: The Lost Reviews, Volume 2 Leave a comment Read more »

A Trek Through the Amazon: The Lost Reviews, Volume 2

Before I started writing on Yelp and subsequently here, I used to write 5-star reviews on Amazon. For the vast majority of them, they were either declined upon submission or removed soon after. A few, the more tame ones, were lucky enough to remain. This…

Share

A Trek Through the Amazon: The Lost Reviews, Volume 1 Leave a comment Read more »

A Trek Through the Amazon: The Lost Reviews, Volume 1

Before I started writing on Yelp and subsequently here, I used to write 5-star reviews on Amazon. For the vast majority of them, they were either declined upon submission or removed soon after. A few, the more tame ones, were lucky enough to remain. This…

Share

Rice House of Kabob Leave a comment Read more »

Rice House of Kabob

[post_intro] [/post_intro] I know what you’re thinking: “Terrorists!” Let me stop you right there. These guys are Persian, which only makes them terrorist-lite because they’re still in the Axis of Evil but haven’t actually done anything… yet. …they’re still in the Axis of Evil… I…

Share

Kendall Ice Arena 2 Comments Read more »

Kendall Ice Arena

[post_intro] [/post_intro] If you wake up one morning thinking, “you know what, I’m in the mood to fall on my ass a couple of times while smelling rubber and feet for a few hours,” then boy do I have the place for you. There are…

Share

Moustaches 1 Comment Read more »

Moustaches

[post_intro] [/post_intro] It is important to first point out that the title of this is spelled “moustaches” when it should, in fact, be spelled “mustaches.” It’s time to learn to speak AMERICAN, people. Leave your tea and crumpets in the Queen’s territory. We’re all about…

Share

Page 24 of 34« First...1020222324252630...Last »