Author Archives: Orlando

Lazy Entries: Volume 1 Leave a comment Read more »

Lazy Entries: Volume 1

All right. You caught me. I didn’t feel like writing last night because I got caught up in some extra work that needed to be done. I’m also running low on pre-written reviews and didn’t want to waste them. So I’ve created a new segment…


House of Frost 2 Comments Read more »

House of Frost

[post_intro] [/post_intro] HELLO, DIABETES! That’s how I’m going to greet diabetes when I inevitably get it. I eat more sugar than a fat, pregnant cockroach on Valentine’s Day. That metaphor doesn’t make sense to you? Well fuck you. I eat more sugar than a fat,…


BWM Mailbag: Volume 1 Leave a comment Read more »

BWM Mailbag: Volume 1

Lots of bloggers and pseudo-writers have entries where they post emails they receive from readers. I’ve decided to do the same. The most notable thing here is the complete lack of hate mail I’ve received. Shockingly, for a guy who compares things to the Holocaust…


Andiamo! Brick Oven Pizza Leave a comment Read more »

Andiamo! Brick Oven Pizza

[post_intro] [/post_intro] The dude banging my little sister swears by this pizza. I know, I could’ve easily said “my little sister’s boyfriend” to describe him considering they’ve been together for 2 years, but I feel “dude banging my little sister” is a pretty good synonym.…


Music Which Unfortunately Exists 10 Comments Read more »

Music Which Unfortunately Exists

Once a person reaches a certain age, they start complaining more about the crap the upcoming generation is listening to. In my case, I do a lot of complaining about what my current generation listens to. Because my generation listens to horse shit. Lil’ Wayne,…


Buena Vista Bistro 1 Comment Read more »

Buena Vista Bistro

[post_intro] [/post_intro] Tiny places like this is what Miami needs more of instead of gimmicky burger + beer houses. We get it, burgers and beer are a great combination, now tell Burger King to get out of that game because Miller Lite and Whoppers are…


Mia at Biscayne 2 Comments Read more »

Mia at Biscayne

[post_intro] [/post_intro] I’ve been to this place in club mode twice now, and if the Gods are listening I’ll never have to go there again. I’ve never been there during the day so I won’t be talking about that. I’m strictly reviewing the club scene.…


Merry Christmas, Unless You're Jewish Leave a comment Read more »

Merry Christmas, Unless You’re Jewish

Or Muslim. Or any other brand of heathen. Kwanzaa goes without saying, I guess. I had a Jewish girl explain to me last night in detail what Kwanzaa was and its origins. Unfortunately I forgot, but you’ll be happy to know it wasn’t that interesting.…


Getting Away with Libel Leave a comment Read more »

Getting Away with Libel

It’s way easier than you think.


Original Pancake House 3 Comments Read more »

Original Pancake House

[post_intro] [/post_intro] Breakfast food is great because its core boils down to an amalgamation of enslaved and/or slaughtered farm animals. I would say “PETA, eat your hearts out,” but that’s useless since they can’t because they’re pussy vegans. Denny’s has been slinging [shitty] pancakes since…


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