Author Archives: Orlando

A Trek Through the Amazon: The Lost Reviews, Volume 1 Leave a comment Read more »

A Trek Through the Amazon: The Lost Reviews, Volume 1

Before I started writing on Yelp and subsequently here, I used to write 5-star reviews on Amazon. For the vast majority of them, they were either declined upon submission or removed soon after. A few, the more tame ones, were lucky enough to remain. This…


Rice House of Kabob Leave a comment Read more »

Rice House of Kabob

[post_intro] [/post_intro] I know what you’re thinking: “Terrorists!” Let me stop you right there. These guys are Persian, which only makes them terrorist-lite because they’re still in the Axis of Evil but haven’t actually done anything… yet. …they’re still in the Axis of Evil… I…


Kendall Ice Arena 2 Comments Read more »

Kendall Ice Arena

[post_intro] [/post_intro] If you wake up one morning thinking, “you know what, I’m in the mood to fall on my ass a couple of times while smelling rubber and feet for a few hours,” then boy do I have the place for you. There are…


Moustaches 1 Comment Read more »


[post_intro] [/post_intro] It is important to first point out that the title of this is spelled “moustaches” when it should, in fact, be spelled “mustaches.” It’s time to learn to speak AMERICAN, people. Leave your tea and crumpets in the Queen’s territory. We’re all about…


Poetry Slam About How I'm Feeling Leave a comment Read more »

Poetry Slam About How I’m Feeling

So I’m sick and shit. I’m pretty sure I got this from a co-worker, and not a hot one which makes it even worse. I’ve decided to write some poetry about how I feel in an entry I call “Poetry Slam About How I’m Feeling.”…


Lazy Entries: Volume 1 Leave a comment Read more »

Lazy Entries: Volume 1

All right. You caught me. I didn’t feel like writing last night because I got caught up in some extra work that needed to be done. I’m also running low on pre-written reviews and didn’t want to waste them. So I’ve created a new segment…


House of Frost 2 Comments Read more »

House of Frost

[post_intro] [/post_intro] HELLO, DIABETES! That’s how I’m going to greet diabetes when I inevitably get it. I eat more sugar than a fat, pregnant cockroach on Valentine’s Day. That metaphor doesn’t make sense to you? Well fuck you. I eat more sugar than a fat,…


BWM Mailbag: Volume 1 Leave a comment Read more »

BWM Mailbag: Volume 1

Lots of bloggers and pseudo-writers have entries where they post emails they receive from readers. I’ve decided to do the same. The most notable thing here is the complete lack of hate mail I’ve received. Shockingly, for a guy who compares things to the Holocaust…


Andiamo! Brick Oven Pizza Leave a comment Read more »

Andiamo! Brick Oven Pizza

[post_intro] [/post_intro] The dude banging my little sister swears by this pizza. I know, I could’ve easily said “my little sister’s boyfriend” to describe him considering they’ve been together for 2 years, but I feel “dude banging my little sister” is a pretty good synonym.…


Music Which Unfortunately Exists 10 Comments Read more »

Music Which Unfortunately Exists

Once a person reaches a certain age, they start complaining more about the crap the upcoming generation is listening to. In my case, I do a lot of complaining about what my current generation listens to. Because my generation listens to horse shit. Lil’ Wayne,…


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