Author Archives: Orlando

SOPA and PIPA Are Bullshit 2 Comments Read more »

SOPA and PIPA Are Bullshit

SOPA and PIPA are fucking bullshit. Talk to your senators and representative and get this crap scrapped.

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Sports Grill 5 Comments Read more »

Sports Grill

Chicken wings are to men what naked pillow fights and pretending you’re inserting a penis in you when you don a tampon are to women; they’re essential. The beer and wings combo is second only to beer and pizza in the “holy shit I can…

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The Stage Leave a comment Read more »

The Stage

I’ve been told multiple times that I’m a creative writin’ motherfucker. I had one lady say I was “like a young Hunter S. Thompson if he were an asshole.” Talk about a simultaneous “fuck you” and “thank you”, lady, especially since it makes no goddamn…

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RA Sushi Bar Restaurant 10 Comments Read more »

RA Sushi Bar Restaurant

By now my readers are aware of how much I hate sushi (hint: a lot) and how I’d rather be the City of Sweetwater’s comptroller than even look at sushi. I’m not even sure what a comptroller is, but I can only assume it’s the…

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Boy Writes Los Angeles: Roscoe's House of Chicken & Waffles 3 Comments Read more »

Boy Writes Los Angeles: Roscoe’s House of Chicken & Waffles

Having just recovered from an anus-obliterating bout of crappuccino-like diarrhea, recalling my fond memories of the eclectic mix of fried chicken and waffles is disheartening since the mere thought of solid food right now is as disgusting as the rum and coke-looking feces I was…

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Meet and Greet with Adam Irigoyen (Did We Spell That Right?)

Read this one in the New Times.

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100 Montaditos 6 Comments Read more »

100 Montaditos

“100 little variety penises in my mouth” is what this place needs to be called. I was there with my friend last night and she said, “I wish jizz tasted like this” while referring to the sauce on one of those chicken ones I had.…

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Which Mall Santa is Best For Your Kids?

Read this one in the New Times.

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Boy Writes Los Angeles: Supperclub 4 Comments Read more »

Boy Writes Los Angeles: Supperclub

So last weekend my sister was visiting LA and my cousin took her to a bar in Long Beach, Mai Tai Bar, where the night ended with six people getting shot. This week I was visiting and wanted no part in that, so I said…

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Elwoods Gastro Pub 3 Comments Read more »

Elwoods Gastro Pub

This place is run by the most British-looking bloke I’ve ever seen in my life. He’s like a mix of a Beatle and early 20th century imperialism. I’ve never spoken to the man because I’m afraid of him turning out to be some Cubanaso that’s…

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