QWho are you?
My name is Orlando “Winters”, I’m 30 years old, I’ve lived in Miami for about 24 of those years, and I like to write completely ridiculous reviews. I also write for the Miami New Times along with its Cultist and Crossfade blogs. One time a priest called me an “asshole.”
QWhat is this?
The title of this page is a tad misleading. I don’t only write about my experiences in this “wonderful” city called Miami. There is a lot going on here. However, you will find many reviews of various venues in the South Florida region.
QWhy are you doing this?
Writing is just a hobby of mine, but recently people have started paying me for it because they’re fucking nuts. Yelp isn’t a fan of my use of colorful words like “cunt”, “motherfucker”, “bitch-tits”, and “Asian” so I figured I should start my own little place to write reviews. I still maintain a profile there, but here is where I do the bulk of my storyviewing. That’s a portmanteau of “story” and “review.” I make up words often.
QWhy don’t you rate things?
Because fuck you, that’s why.
QWould you be willing to take bribes?
I don’t know. Below is a photo of Scarlet Johansson cleaning a refrigerator.