Reviewing Miami and then some. Gratuitous vulgarity included.

Daily Melt

Grilled cheese is childish peasant food, which is probably why I love it so much. It’s pretty hard to fuck up a slab of melted cheese between two slices of bread, so I’m trying real hard here to think of things to say. “Chasm”, that’s a thing. “Interpolation”, that’s another thing.

I’ve been to this place twice now, and I can say pretty conclusively that the sandwiches are delicious. They don’t have the most stellar service around, the music in that place is a little too loud (and I’m only 29, I don’t have a lawn for you to get off of yet), and the soup that comes with your sandwich seems like a really fucked up practical joke, but their sandwiches are tasty.

The first time I went, I wasn’t really sure what to get, so I asked the guy at the front (who looked decidedly managerial, since he wasn’t doing shit) what he suggested. He, in the most New York asshole tone possible, said something like “WELL, I’VE HAD THREE ROASTED TURKEY MELTS IN THE LAST TWO DAYS, YOU FAGGOT-ASS BITCH COCKSUCKING MOTHERFUCKER, SO…” He didn’t really “say” that last part, but his face did. I cried that night. That sandwich was good though. My girlfriend ended up having the bacon melt, and that thing was stellar. In fact, that’s the sandwich I had the second time I went, sans the tears since that scary guy wasn’t there.

A bacon melt, you say?

Admittedly, it doesn’t look as good as the professional photograph plastering their wall, but it tastes as good as it looks.

For $2.50, you can upgrade your sandwich to a meal. A meal includes a drink and either a shot of soup or a bag of chips. When I say “shot”, I mean it’s a shot glass of soup. It’s about $0.12 worth of soup, and I’ve flossed more meal out of my teeth than was contained in that shot. I’m just kidding, who the fuck flosses? Rich people? The beverage options are pretty cool, though, because they have that magical soft drink machine that dispenses like 100 different things. You select what you want on the touch screen and (I assume, otherwise it’s sorcery) the midget inside the box goes ahead and fulfills your order immediately. It’s not all that important to me since I always just drink water anyway, but I like playing with that sort of shit. Do you know what mixing Dr. Pepper, Sprite, Dasani flavored water, root beer, Coke, and Fanta tastes like?

…I’ve flossed more meal out of my teeth than was contained in that shot.

Like shit. It tastes like shit. Don’t try it.

It’s a decent place for the price, though I would recommend they smile a little more or something. Have you ever gone to Jesus Chicken (Chick-fil-A) and had someone serve you who didn’t smile like the Lord was watching? No, of course not. That company may find homosexuality disgusting and sinful, but Zeusdamn do they know how to train their staff to make you feel like you’re not a piece of shit. This is a major complaint about most places in Miami, so it’s a little unfair that I decided to take it out on this place, but I’m not exactly known for my fairness.

Good sandwiches, mediocre service. Your choice, but hey, at least I went back, and I’m sure I’ll go again. That’s gotta count for something, right?


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