The most fun thing about smoke shops is their “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy. I’ve never gone to another store and spoken in euphemisms to get what I wanted. Even if I went to a sex toy shop, I’d be like, “Hey, I’d like a set of anal beads” and not, “Hey, can I get that ‘dog chew toy’… for my dog?”
I smoke “tobacco” from time to time. It tends to help with creativity, and reality. I’m not a seasoned “tobacco” smoker, though, and even less so of an experienced head shop patron, so the first time I went in there I asked, “What’s a good bong?” You know how in [terrible] movies or reality shows where a white person says something cheesily-white to a black person they play this record scratch sound? That’s pretty much what happened. The old man was like, “Eh, heh, heh, water pipe” and touched his nose like he had this secret I wasn’t aware of when I walked into a store with Bob Marley posters and way too many products making 420 puns.
The first time I went, it was with my girlfriend. Neither of us are pros, so we had a lot of questions. The old man behind the counter (uncle of one of the owners, I believe) was nice, but his knowledge of the paraphernalia was about as extensive as ours. Dude is clearly a businessman, not so much an entgineer. What ended up happening was we got to Facetime with this guy’s nephew, who wasn’t there, and he told us as much about those “water pipes” as AT&T’s shitty network would allow until the call dropped. We decided to research this stuff independently and go back one day. “Bong” and “research” are two words I never thought I’d string together in a sentence, unless that sentence was, “This bong is really hampering my progress on this research paper.”
This bong is really hampering my progress on this research paper.
The day we returned, we returned with a seasoned veteran. The old man was there again, but this time there was a woman who knew her shit. Our veteran discussed “tobacco” and the various methods of consumption. I was given a quick crash course on “water pipes” and ended up walking away with a $100 thing with a bunch of diffusers, moving parts, digital health monitors, and a police scanner. The first time I went, old man was like, “We’ll give you good deal.” He held up to his promise. Not only are their prices already awesome, but they’re receptive to negotiation.
There are a couple of other smoke shops in the downtown area, but none of them are as good as this one, and not all of them cater to “tobacco” users and instead focus on tobacco users. It’s conveniently located next to River Oyster Bar, which must be good for their business, and in the same block as Tobacco Road. They’re also open late on weekends, which goes to show they know their audience.
People who would enjoy it
People who would not enjoy it
- 13 SW 7th St
- Miami, FL 33130
- (305) 967-8187