Reviewing Miami and then some. Gratuitous vulgarity included.

Buffalo Wild Wings

I propose they rename this place to “BuffalOK, I Guess, Wings” because they’re not that fucking good. They have a lot of variety, sure, but there’s like fourteen different types of herpes and none of them are good either, so whatever.

You want proof that most people have no problem settling for mediocrity? Look at places like Applebee’s, Friday’s, and of course, Buffalo Wild Wings. Average shit-holes like that dot the middle class landscape about as consistently as gas stations and Targets. I’m willing to bet that, on average, if you were to compare meals from fast-food places like McDonald’s to middle-class restaurants like Applebee’s, the nutrition on both would just about line up. The food is just as bad for you, it costs more, and it takes longer for you to start eating. So why the fuck bother eating at any of those places?

Aren’t you forgetting something?

Oh, right, forgot about that thing.

That. That’s the thing. I’m convinced that a warm brownie topped with ice cream is the dessert single-handedly responsible for the success of all middle class chain eateries. It’s definitely not the food quality, because a Whopper easily trounces anything on Friday’s menu. Everything there tastes reheated.

Before I continue talking about Buffalo Wild Wings specifically, let me put something in your head real quick. The nickname for this place is “B Dubs”. It’s not something college douche bags use, it’s something corporate douche bags in charge of the company use. They’re putting that shit in their own web site. They’re willingly creating and embracing the scrotal culture that uses words like “Brosef Stalin” and “bromance” without their tongues firmly implanted in their cheeks. I can’t trust a company that tries so hard at forcing me to tolerate a subculture I hate so much.

…there’s like fourteen different types of herpes and none of them are good either, so whatever.

I had the Jamaican jerk wings, because Caribbean seasoning increases my testosterone output. In addition, we also ordered some lemon pepper ones. Both were alright. I run a comparison of every wing I eat to Sports Grill‘s wings, because they’re like the Justin Bieber of chicken wings. Sorry, I’m trying to cater to a younger crowd to sell my book. No wings have yet to compare to the quality and goodness of Sports Grill. I welcome any challenges to the contrary. If you suggest wings for me to try and I like them, I’ll write a post about you and how awesome you are. If I don’t like them, I’ll write a post about what a piece of shit you are. I’m serious.

The problem with Buffalo’s wings was that they were too dry. I mean, it’s chicken so I’ll eat it anyway, but it’ll never drive me to return. Nothing about this place is remarkable, which is why I had such a tough time actually talking about the food and instead resorted to badmouthing Applebee’s. Fuck Applebee’s.

So where the hell is it?
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