Reviewing Miami and then some. Gratuitous vulgarity included.

Voting in Downtown: AKA Why Rick Scott Can Suck My Balls

So last night we reelected Barack Obama. I hope it doesn’t piss you off as a reader to know that I’m happy about that, because if it does then you’ve clearly never read my shit.

While I was in line for FOUR-AND-A-HALF FUCKING HOURS yesterday to cast my vote, I realized how much I hated Prick Scott. It may be considered a conspiracy theory, but when you look around at the Miami skyline and come to terms with the fact that Miami proper is one of the most densely-populated cities in the US, you should probably add a few more precincts for those people, or at least add more than 12 fucking voting booths in them. I can’t speak for all of them, but I voted at the firehouse in Brickell, and there were 12 voting booths.

We were voting for the leader of the free world, the man with access to “the button” for half the world’s nuclear arsenal, and we were doing it in a fire station with 12 voting booths in a neighborhood with 80,000 residents. A lady in line said it best when she said, “this is like a 5th grade election.”

A good thing came of that though, as I got to make conversation for FOUR-AND-A-HALF FUCKING HOURS with the people in line with me. The four people in front of me were the ones I talked to the most, then there were six behind me which were older generation. It was like a Breakfast Club of people who all loved Obama and wanted Rick Scott to acquire the harshest form of herpes imaginable. All 10 of them claimed they were voting Obama. While that’s not an ample enough sample size, it’s fair to say that (hell, look at the Miami-Dade results by party) the downtown area is primarily democrat. Then one of them started talking about how this is Rick Scott’s fault and everyone agreed.

All that disenfranchising of voters we hear so much about actually goes on, and what a surprise that it happens to Democrats in a Republican-controlled state. I didn’t get a ballot in my hands until CNN was reporting 77% of Florida precincts already counted. When I left, I walked past a bunch of sad people still in line wrapping around the block. The line went back to as far as I was at least two hours prior, back when I had no gray hair, grandchildren, or hoverboard. Meaning by some time after 9:45, when I was finished voting, there were people in line until about 11:45 still casting a vote. By my watch, it was around 11:13 PM when CNN called it for Obama and the rest of the networks followed suit. That means there were people in line who had to hear “Barack Obama has been re-elected as the President of the United States” while they still had a fucking half-hour wait to get to the polls! That’s ridiculous.

A lady in line said it best when she said, “this is like a 5th grade election.”

I didn’t eat lunch yesterday because I got a little busy at work. I just went straight to the polls after work expecting to be in and out in 20 minutes like my friend in Doral and another friend in Sweetwater. When the cab dropped me off though, I just about shit myself. The line was worse than it was for early voting. And that’s another thing, why the hell did early voting end Saturday? Why didn’t it go on through Sunday and Monday? When you’re consistently facing three-hour waits (according to their own web site), you should probably either add more locations instead of your typical 20 for over 2.5 million Miami-Dade residents, or extend the early voting time. Even if just 10% of residents are registered voters who decided to vote early (total number of counted votes in Miami-Dade were 825,799, so let’s say 250,000 of those voted early), they would’ve each needed to service 1,500 people per day per location. 125 people per hour. That’s roughly two people per minute. I can keep breaking this down to seconds if you want. It took like 12 minutes for me from the moment I was handed my ballot to the moment I was scanning it in that machine. so make of that what you will.

So like I was saying, I didn’t eat lunch yesterday. I was hungry as fuck when I got to that line but didn’t want to lose my place. A friend of mine was cool enough to actually order me a pizza and have it sent to the line, but miscommunication and a dead phone ensured that someone else in line on the other fucking side of the block ended up with that pizza. Luckily, there were people in Obama shirts handing out candy, crackers, croquetas, water, Cuban coffee, and little sandwiches. There are two reasons which could account for why only Obama people were doing that: 1) Obama supporters are generally more compassionate about their fellow man while Romney supporters would rather let the free market handle voter thirst and not socialize hydration; 2) Those people know their demographics and know that most of the people in line were Obama supporters, just like Rick Scott knew.

I’m not saying there’s a conspiracy, I’m just saying Rick Scott can suck my balls.

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