Reviewing Miami and then some. Gratuitous vulgarity included.

A Frat Bro Reviews Akashi

FUCKING CHINESE PEOPLE KNOW HOW TO DO EVERYTHING RIGHT, AND SUSHI SEEMS LIKE ONE OF THEM. I HATE THAT SUSHI SHIT BECAUSE IT TASTES LIKE RANCID CHOCH, BUT MY GIRL LOVES IT MORE THAN SHE LOVES ME SKEET SHOOTING. HAHAHA SKEET SHOOTING BRO GET IT?

USUALLY I DON’T EAT ALL THIS CHINESE SHIT BECAUSE SOME ORIENTAL MOTHERFUCKER NAME LEE KIM I CHEATED OFF OF IN MACROECONOMICS LAST SEMESTER GOT ME MOST OF THE ANSWERS WRONG. I WAS LIKE, “WHAT THE FUCK, CHANG?” AND HE SAID THAT THE PROFESSOR HANDS OUT DIFFERENT TESTS THAT HAVE THE QUESTIONS IN DIFFERENT ORDER, AND I WAS LIKE, “WHAT? I DON’T SPEAK CHINESE HAHAHA NO BUT FOR REAL MAN, PROFESSORS DON’T DO THAT SHIT.” ANYWAY I HAD ONE OF THE PLEDGES PULL SOME STRINGS AND HE GOT DEPORTED SO IT’S ALL GOOD.

MY GIRL REALLY WANTED TO EAT THIS SUSHI CRAP SO WE WALK IN AND SOME LITTLE CHINESE GUY SEATED US AND GAVE US MENUS BUT THAT SHIT WAS ALL IN CHINESE SO I JUST ASKED HIM TO BRING ME WHATEVER THEY HAD THAT WAS COOKED AND DIDN’T TASTE LIKE LOBSTER JIZZ. I DON’T TRUST UNDERCOOKED SHIT, BRO. MY BOY BIG NIG ATE JERKY ONE TIME AND HE WAS PUKING HIS FUCKING FACE OFF FOR HOURS AFTER. EVERYBODY SAYS HE WAS PUKING BECAUSE HE HAD NINE SHOTS OF JÄGER AND HALF A BOTTLE OF HENNESSY BUT NOBODY HANGS LIKE BIG NIG SO IT HAD TO BE THE JERKY FOR SURE. I REMEMBER ONE TIME AT A KAPPA KAPPA KAPPA FOAM PARTY THEY RAN OUT OF BOOZE SO BIG NIG STARTED MIXING RUBBING ALCOHOL, HAND SANITIZER, AND KOOL-AID. ALL THE KAPPA KAPPA KAPPA CHICKS HAD TO GET THEIR STOMACHS PUMPED AT THE HOSPITAL BUT BIG NIG STAYED STRONG LIKE THE ALPHA MOTHERFUCKER HE IS. ALL THOSE BITCHES PROBABLY HAD MORE JIZZ IN THEIR STOMACH THAN ALCOHOL HAHAHA JK BRO YOU KNOW I RESPECT BITCHES.

…HAHAHA JK BRO YOU KNOW I RESPECT BITCHES.

SO THE LITTLE CHINESE GUY BROUGHT ME SOME FISH, AND IT WAS SO COOKED IT HAD A DRUG PROBLEM. MY GIRLFRIEND NIBBLED ON HER RAW SHIT AND REGRETTED IT WHEN SHE TOOK A BITE OF MY TILAPIA. THAT SHIT WAS SO WELL-COOKED IT HAD CRISPY EDGES. THE SEASONING HAD THE PERFECT AMOUNT OF GARLIC AND SHIT. LEMME TELL YOU, I’VE EATEN A LOT OF FISH IN MY DAY (HAHAHA RIGHT BROS?) BUT I’VE NEVER HAD TILAPIA AS GOOD AS THAT. YOU CAN TAKE THAT SHIT TO THE BANK. I’M THINKING IT’S A GOOD PLACE TO GO WITH THE FRAT AFTER ONE OF OUR DRUNK KICKBALL GAMES. THEN WE CAN OSTRACIZE ALL THE FAGS WHO ORDER ANYTHING UNCOOKED HAHAHA.

I DON’T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT DECOR AND SHIT BUT I THOUGHT THE PLACE LOOKED PRETTY SOLID FOR A SUSHI JOINT. IT KINDA LOOKS LIKE A VIRGIN AMERICA JET WITH ALL THE TRANCE CLUB LIGHTING AND THE BLOND CHICKS TALKING SHIT TO EACH OTHER. IT’S REALLY NARROW SO IF WE THREW OUR NEXT MIXER THERE WE CAN’T REALLY DO KEG STANDS.

HEY BUT SERIOUS, THIS SHIT IS TIGHT, AND THAT’S SAYING A LOT SINCE I DON’T TRUST CHINESE PEOPLE.


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2 Comments to A Frat Bro Reviews Akashi

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