Reviewing Miami and then some. Gratuitous vulgarity included.

Excerpt from a Shitty Romance Novel Written by a Teen Virgin

As Sandy and Bobby were entering the motel room, they held hands. They were both very experienced sexually. Bobby had been with like a bazillion girls and Sandy was a girl so she totally got lots of sex any time she wanted. Bobby closed the door behind her. He looked into her eyes.

“I want to have sex with you,” he said.

“I want you to put your penis in my vagina,” she responded. Her boobies looked really nice even though she had clothes on.

Bobby took off his shirt and folded it neatly on the table so he wouldn’t have to iron it when they were finished. He also took his pants and underwear off but he didn’t care about folding them. He left his socks on, because his feet get cold sometimes. Sandy took off her blouse and skirt and dropped them on the floor. She took her panties off and then her bra. Her boobies were so awesome. They were big and round and had much bigger nipples than most guys have. Her pussy was also super pink and it didn’t have any hair on it at all.

Sandy started to moan like if she was having sex, because they started to have sex. “Oooooh, yeah, do me,” she said. “I like the way you are with your sex,” cried Sandy as she did things with her boobs. Bobby was going for hours because he’s very experienced with sex and had done it with like a bazillion girls for real. He asked her to call him daddy and she did so, because Bobby knows how to please a lady.

Then after a few more hours they were finished and Sandy asked Bobby if she could cuddle, and Bobby agreed to considering he is such a tender lover. “May I tell my friends?” asked Sandy. Bobby also agreed to that. Then Bobby took it back and said, “baby, only if you let me do you again right now because I want to.” And so Sandy gave him three BJs.

During one of the BJs, Sandy asked Bobby if he would love her forever, and Bobby said, “no.” Sandy got sick and ran to the bathroom to vomit, because her stomach hurt from the pain she experienced by what Bobby said. Bobby ran to her with his boner and stood in the door of the bathroom while Sandy was puking in the toilet and said, “I won’t love you forever. I’ll love you five-ever.”

Then Sandy totally gave him more sex.


Seven months later Bobby was in the mall shopping for baby clothes at Baby Gap and he ran into Sandy. Sandy was like, “you said you would love me five-ever, but I haven’t seen you in seven months!” Bobby looked ashamed. “I’ve been too ashamed,” he said ashamedly. “I have something to tell you.”

“What?” asked Sandy.

“I have a baby,” he told her.

“What?! Who’s baby is it?” exclaimed Sandy.

“It’s yours,” he admitted.

“OMG I had no idea!” laughed Sandy.

Then Bobby and Sandy hugged and they bought baby clothes that were on sale and had more sex in the dressing room meant for babies and everyone lived happily ever after.

Or did they?

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2 Comments to Excerpt from a Shitty Romance Novel Written by a Teen Virgin

  1. Pingback: Orlando
  2. Sue

    Ha!!!! Nice

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