Reviewing Miami and then some. Gratuitous vulgarity included.

Morgan’s Restaurant

My little sister is an undiagnosed alcoholic. I don’t know how one diagnoses that sort of bullshit “disease” (it’s not a disease, you just fucking drink too much) but I’m willing to bet she’s got the virus that causes it.

The thing about alcoholism is you can mask those pesky “I need to drink in the morning” symptoms by masquerading it with brunch. I love brunch, not so much for the excuse to get a good buzz going before noon, but because the food is awesome. Before I discovered brunch I used to have to get my fix at IHOP at 3 PM on a Saturday. Have you ever seen the kind of people that frequent IHOPs at 3 PM on Sundays? They breathe through their mouths, and it makes me wonder how they eat. But they do, oh do they!

I love brunch, not so much for the excuse to get a good buzz going before noon…

Brunch is a beautiful thing. It perfectly combines breakfast and lunch. Do you like waffles? Fuck yeah you do. They’re like pancakes but with tiny cups to hold syrup. Do you like chicken? Of course you do, and you don’t even have to be black to admit it. Do you like chicken & waffles mixed together? Don’t you dare say no, motherfucker, because you probably haven’t tried it and are only familiar if you listen to Ricky Smiley and the Chicken & Waffles Mix on 99 Jamz. Let me tell you, it’s delicious. You should’ve known, because two really awesome things can’t come together and make something terrible, notable exception being when science fiction and alcohol got together and made Scientology.

At Morgan’s, they have chicken & waffles. I was fully-prepared to order eggs benedict, my go-to brunch entree, and then I saw “waffles… add chicken for $5.” I was say, “say whaaaaaaaat?” I looked around for black people, saw a couple, and I shit you not they were eating chicken & waffles. I asked if it was any good, and one guy responds “yeah, it’s good. The chicken is great, the waffle is OK. You know, it’s a waffle,” and the other says, “I’ve eaten a lot of chicken, and this is the best chicken I’ve ever had.” I need you to read that again. A black guy said it’s the best chicken he has ever had. My mind was instantly made up so I told the eggs benedict to go fuck themselves and ordered the chicken & waffles. My little sister decided on the eggs benedict and my girlfriend had a stack of 8,000 pancakes covered in fruit I was positive she wouldn’t finish.

A black guy said it’s the best chicken he has ever had.

We sat outdoors on a long table shared by another group and had a carafe of mimosas which, frankly, tasted shitty. It’s like they used Minute Maid or Tang as the orange juice. Anyway, my little sister drank most of it while I didn’t finish a glass. We chatted up for a bit, and then I saw my chicken & waffles being brought forth like an Aztec virgin being carried to the sacrificial arena, and I am Tezcatlipoca, god of sorcery and destiny. The chicken & waffles had to battle in gladiatorial combat, and they both lost. I’m pretty meticulous about that shit. The process involves dicing up the chicken, putting it on top of the waffles, glazing the whole shit in syrup, and putting it in my face.

Damn it, now I want some. Anyway, after we had brunch we went to my girlfriend’s place and my little sister downed an entire bottle of champagne by herself. That’s in addition to the mimosas she had, like, 30 minutes prior. I don’t know whether to be proud or concerned.

Go to Morgan’s. Try the chicken & waffles AND NOTHING ELSE, and don’t be a little bitch eating them separate.


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3 Comments to Morgan’s Restaurant

  1. Brunch is the shit, always looking for good new spots.

  2. Pingback: ElRestorant

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