Reviewing Miami and then some. Gratuitous vulgarity included.

Chris Brown is a Complete Fucking Scumbag and I Hope He Gets That New Untreatable Strain of Gonorrhea Going Around

I’ve never been a fan of Chris Brown. I feel like he’s beating me every time I hear his shitty music. Earlier this week the people in charge of giving wealthy musicians more things to gloat about decided Chris Brown absolutely needed a Grammy that Adele didn’t want, probably under duress from Mr. Brown.Chris Brown the scumbag

Why is this piece of human garbage still given credit for anything? Why is he given any praise? Why hasn’t he been flogged by a couple of pissed off Irish beat cops? What’s worse, dumb-ass little bitches were flooding Twitter saying things like “I’d let Chris Brown beat me”, likely in an attempt to make their parents proud. Look, I’m all for second chances and turning over a new leaf, but in situations like this that shit is for people who pay the price for what they’ve done. It’s not like he merely slapped her because she got out of hand and immediately regretted it; that’s still wrong, but forgivable (though she shouldn’t stick around.) The motherfucker whooped her ass. I’m talking seriously beat the everliving fuck out of her.

I’ve posted the full police report below, but let’s take a look at some gems to get a better idea of what my definition of “beat the everliving fuck out of her” is. With naïve commentary.

Robin F. picked up Brown’s cellular telephone and observed a three page text message from a woman who Brown had a previous sexual relationship with.

Oh snap, Chris got caught! HE’S GONNA GET IT!

Brown pulled the vehicle over on an unknown street, reached over Robyn F. with his right hand, opened the car door and attempted to force her out.

Haha, I bet he’s trying to get her out of his car because she’s about to go cray-cray on his ass and start yelling like Rosie Perez at the stock exchange!

When he could not force her to exit he took his right hand and shoved her head against the passenger window of the vehicle causing an approximate one inch raised circular contusion.

Wait, what?

Robyn F. turned to face Brown and he punched her in the left eye with his right hand. He then drove away in the vehicle and continued to punch her in the face with his right hand while steering the vehicle with his left hand. The assault caused Robyn F’s mouth to fill with blood and blood to splatter all over her clothing and the interior of the vehicle.

WHAT THE FUCK?

Brown looked at Robyn F. and stated, “I am going to beat the shit out of you when we get home! You wait and see!”

Well, at least he’s going to wait until they get home. It’s pretty dangerous to do it while driving. Safety first, right Chris?

Robyn F. picked her cellular telephone and called her personal assistant, Jennifer Rosales at [redacted]… Rosales did not answer… Robyn F. pretended to talk to her and stated, “I’m on my way home. Make sure the cops are there when I get there.”

Good, that should calm him down. No rational human being would keep adding evidence to a crime they’re about to get pinched for. Yeah, she didn’t really have the cops waiting, but Chris didn’t know that. Surely he’ll stop hitting her. The only way he’d be stupid enough to keep hitting her is if he plans on killing her, hahaha.

After Robyn F. faked the call, Brown and looked at her and stated, “You just did the stupidest thing ever! Now I’m really going to kill you.”

I'm speechless.

Brown resumed punching Robyn F. and she interlocked her fingers behind her head and brought her elbows forward to protect her face. She then bent over at the waist, placing her elbows and face near her lap in attempt to protect her face and head from the barrage of punches being levied upon her by Brown. Brown continued to punch Robyn F. on her left arm and hand causing her to suffer a contusion on her left triceps that was approximately two inches in diameter and numerous contusions on her left hand.

What the hell is wrong with this guy? How did all of this start again? Oh, right, she found a text on his phone from a chick he had fucked. So, naturally, the proper course of action is for him to fuck Rihanna up.

Brown pulled Robyn F. close to him and bit her on her left ear.

Even Mike Tyson is shaking his head at this one.

This continues on with more punching on the face, body, a headlock, and even biting her fingers. I’ll stop here because I don’t feel like going on, but you should read the whole thing if you’re interested in reading the script to the fight scene in the upcoming movie Fighting Like a Fucking Coward.

Here is the full police report.

Christopher Brown and Robyn F. have been involved in a dating relationship for approx one and half years. On Sunday, February 8, 2009 at 0025 hours, Brown was driving a vehicle with Robyn F. as the front passenger on an unknown street in Los Angeles. Robin F. picked up Brown’s cellular telephone and observed a three page text message from a woman who Brown had a previous sexual relationship with. A verbal argument ensued and Brown pulled the vehicle over on an unknown street, reached over Robyn F. with his right hand, opened the car door and attempted to force her out. Brown was unable to force Robyn F. out of the vehicle because she was wearing a seat belt. When he could not force her to exit he took his right hand and shoved her head against the passenger window of the vehicle causing an approximate one inch raised circular contusion. Robyn F. turned to face Brown and he punched her in the left eye with his right hand. He then drove away in the vehicle and continued to punch her in the face with his right hand while steering the vehicle with his left hand. The assault caused Robyn F’s mouth to fill with blood and blood to splatter all over her clothing and the interior of the vehicle.

Brown looked at Robyn F. and stated, “I am going to beat the shit out of you when we get home! You wait and see!” Robyn F. picked her cellular telephone and called her personal assistant, Jennifer Rosales at [redacted]. Rosales did not answer the telephone but while her voicemail greeting was playing, Robyn F. pretended to talk to her and stated, “I’m on my way home. Make sure the cops are there when I get there.” (This statement was made while the greeting was playing and was not captured as a message). After Robyn F. faked the call, Brown and looked at her and stated, “You just did the stupidest thing ever! Now I’m really going to kill you.” Brown resumed punching Robyn F. and she interlocked her fingers behind her head and brought her elbows forward to protect her face. She then bent over at the waist, placing her elbows and face near her lap in attempt to protect her face and head from the barrage of punches being levied upon her by Brown. Brown continued to punch Robyn F. on her left arm and hand causing her to suffer a contusion on her left triceps that was approximately two inches in diameter and numerous contusions on her left hand. Robyn F. then attempted to send a text message to her other personal assistant, Melissa Ford. Brown snatched the cellular telephone out of her hand and threw it out of the window onto an unknown street.

Brown continued driving and Robyn F. observed his cellular phone sitting in his lap. She picked up the cellular telephone with her left hand and before she could make a call he placed her in a head lock with his right hand and continued to drive the vehicle with his left hand. Brown pulled Robyn F. close to him and bit her on her left ear. She was able to feel the vehicle swerving from right to left as Brown sped away. He stopped the vehicle in front of [redacted] and Robyn F. turned off the car, removed the key from the ignition and sat on it. Brown did not know what she did with the key and began punching her in the face and arms. He then placed her in a head lock positioning the front of her throat between his bicep and forearm. Brown began applying pressure to Robyn F’s. left and right carotid arteries causing her to be unable to breathe and she began to lose consciousness. She reached up with her left hand and began attempting to gauge his eyes in an attempt to free herself. Brown bit her left ring and middle fingers and then released her. While Brown continued to punch her, she turned around and placed her back against the passenger door. She brought her knees to her chest, placed her feet against Brown’s body and began pushing him away. Brown continued to punch her on the legs and feet causing several contusions. Robyn F. began screaming for help and Brown exited the vehicle and walked away. A resident in the neighborhood heard Robyn F.’s plea for help and called 911, causing a police response. An investigation was conducted and Robyn F. was issued a Domestic Violence Emergency Protective Order (EPO).

Your affiant conducted an interview with witness Melissa Ford who advised on Feb. 8 2009 at approximately 0055 hours, she received a phone call from Robin F. from an unknown telephone number, later identified as the cellular telephone of Police Officer III Chavez. Robin F advised Ford that she had been assaulted by Brown. At approximately 0100 hours, Brown called Ford as if nothing happened. Ford advised Brown that she had already talked to Robin F. and was aware of what happened. Ford advised Brown that the neighbors had called the police and that they were with Robyn F. Brown asked Ford if Robin F. had provided police with his name and Ford advised him that she had. Brown hung up the cellular telephone and did not call back.

On February 8, 2009 at 1900 hours, Brown surrendered himself to your affiant and was arrested for 422 PC, Criminal Threats. Brown was given a copy of the EPO and advised not to contact Robyn F.

On February 17, 2009, Ford advised your affiant that she had received text messages from telephone number [redacted], a number that Ford recognizes as belonging to Brown. In the text message, Brown apologized for what he had done to Robyn F. and advised Ford that he was going to get help.

Your affiant is requesting the telephone records and text message data stored on the cellular telephones of Robyn F., [redacted] and Brown, [redacted] in an attempt to establish a time line of the events that occurred on the evening of February 8, 2008 and to further implicate Brown as the person who assaulted Robyn F.

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86 Comments to Chris Brown is a Complete Fucking Scumbag and I Hope He Gets That New Untreatable Strain of Gonorrhea Going Around

  1. santiago

    Thank you for this post BWM. One thing is to talk about the guy’s music, which isn’t even all that great, but people confuse good musical talent with good moral character. Whatever the musical talent, this guy doesn’t deserve to be walking the streets. I bet you if that was me beating someone half to death, I’d be in jail for a long time.

    America’s (and a large part of the world nowadays) have such an infatuation and addiction to celebrities that they are willing to suspend any all laws and morals for them… give them a pass…WTF is wrong with that picture.

    Moral of the story: You can people in public ALL YOU WANT, as long as you can sing and dance! Singing lessons here i come!!

    As for the gonorrhea, if this scumbag was in jail im sure Bubba would take care of giving it to him.

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