Reviewing Miami and then some. Gratuitous vulgarity included.

The Stage

I’ve been told multiple times that I’m a creative writin’ motherfucker. I had one lady say I was “like a young Hunter S. Thompson if he were an asshole.” Talk about a simultaneous “fuck you” and “thank you”, lady, especially since it makes no goddamn sense.

Anyway, with my ego inflated, I decided to write this next review as a palindrome. That’s correct, this entire review of The Stage is a palindrome.

The Stage reminds me of an outdoor Studio A. I liked Studio A because they had a lot of great shows there, and back in the day I saw a girl get punched in the tit by a Home Depot lesbian. For minutes I tried visualizing what the possible contents of the argument leading up to a tit punch could be. I think I eventually settled on a scenario where Home Depot found out lipstick was the chick scissoring her girlfriend. I miss Studio A.

In The Stage you’ll find a stage in the “indoor” area separating the plebeian outdoors by sliding garage doors. I’ve only been here twice; once for a Yelp Elite event I wasn’t even really in the mood to go to on account of having a Daniel Powter-like bad day. Or wait, was that shit James Blunt? Who cares, I hate the song regardless. Also, it would be great if James Blunt died through trauma from a blunt object, just so the sound of headline writers collectively jizzing could overwhelm the sound of whatever bullshit top hit is propagating through the airwaves these days.

…back in the day I saw a girl get punched in the tit by a Home Depot lesbian.

The drinks are pretty reasonably-priced for the area. I believe I was charged $8 for gin and ginger ale, whereas that same drink would have cost me double that at Bardot which is only a couple of blocks away. They have a good sound system and a lot more space for shows than most other places around the midtown/downtown area (Grand Central being a notable exception), plus the outdoor area means less possibility of dying through massive smoke inhalation.

I need to check this place out more often. You know what, it reminds me of a hilarious thing that happened to me. I was saw I. Em ot deneppah taht gniht suoiralih a fo em sdnimer ti, tahw wonk uoy. Netfo erom tuo ecalp siht kcehc ot deen I.

Noitalahni ekoms evissam hguorht gniyd fo ytilibissop ssel snaem aera roodtuo eht sulp, noitpecxe elbaton a gnieb lartnec dnarg aera nwotnwod/nwotdim eht dnuora secalp rehto tsom naht swohs rof ecaps erom tol a dna metsys dnuos doog a evah yeht. Yawa skcolb fo elpuoc a ylno si hcihw todraB ta taht elbuod em tsoc evah dluow knird emas taht saerehw, ela regnig dna nig rof 8$ degrahc saw I eveileb I. Aera eht rof decirp-ylbanosaer ytterp era sknird eht.

Syad eseht sevawria eht hguorht gnitagaporp si tih pot tihsllub revetahw fo dnuos eht mlehwrevo dluoc gnizzij ylevitcelloc sretirw enildaeh fo dnuos eht os tsuj, tcejbo tnulb a morf amuart hguorht deid tnulb semaj fi taerg eb dluow ti, osla. Sseldrager gnos eht etah I, serac ohw? Tnulb semaj tihs taht saw, tiaw ro. Yad dab ekil-retwop leinad a gnivah fo tnuocca no ot og ot doom eht ni yllaer neve t’nsaw I tneve etile pley a rof ecno; eciwt ereh neeb ylno ev I. Srood egarag gnidils yb sroodtuo naiebelp eht gnitarapes aera “roodni” eht ni egats a dnif lluoy egats eht ni.

A oidutS ssim I. Dneirflrig reh gnirossics kcihc eht saw kcitspil tuo dnuof toped emoh erehw oiranecs a no delttes yllautneve I kniht I. Eb dluoc hcnup tit a ot pu gnidael tnemugra eht fo stnetnoc elbissop eht tahw gnizilausiv deirt I setunim rof. Naibsel toped emoh a yb tit eht ni dehcnup teg lrig a was I yad eht ni kcab dna, ereht swohs taerg fo tol a dah yeht esuaceb a oiduts dekil I. A oiduts roodtuo na fo em sdnimer egats eht.

Emordnilap a si egats eht fo weiver eritne siht, tcerroc staht. Emordnilap a sa weiver txen siht etirw ot dediced I, detalfni oge ym htiw, yawyna. Esnes nmaddog on sekam ti ecnis yllaicepse, ydal, “uoy knaht” dna “uoy kcuf” suoenatlumis a tuoba klat. “Elohssa na erew eh fi nospmohts retnuh gnuoy a ekil” saw I yas ydal eno dah I. Rekcufrehtom ‘nitirw evitaerc a mi taht semit elpitlum dlot neeb ev I.


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