Reviewing Miami and then some. Gratuitous vulgarity included.

Poetryview: Kill Your Idol

Deep within the bowels of Sobe, down the street from Lincoln Road,
Close enough to clubs and titties, hipsters hang in an abode.
Not that it’s a house per se, more like just a place to play,
If your goal’s to drink and stay make sure your car does not get towed.
Cheaper liquor, that’s the kicker, made it so the liquid flowed.
End the night without a bicker? Very little cash was owed.

My initial expedition, taking place some months ago,
It was shortly after clubbing where they tried to sell me blow.
I was faint and somewhat weary and the night remained most dreary,
And I knew to be quite leery buying cocaine from a “bro.”
Then a phone call, from my friend Paul, meant it’s time for me to go,
Swiped my nose and left the stall, headed out with way less dough.

Hailing cabs is such a mission when it’s raining out at night,
Luckily genetics favored me when granting me my height.
Since the driver was a Haitian I required some sedation,
As he drove to the location I was left with abject fright.
When we got there, I had lost hair, yet I tried to stay polite,
“Here’s a tip for you, Pierre,” then he drove off to the right.

Entering the bar I notice, “what’s with all the hipster chicks?”
Normally I like those girls but not when they show up with pricks.
Looking round in observation I acquired a fixation,
Then commenced with my flirtation with a gal of five foot six.
Then I started, road uncharted, brought myself into the mix.
With her number I departed sans a need to use my tricks.

From the streets the bar looks tiny, which is what one would expect,
Yet inside there’s ample room for you to drink booze and get wrecked.
In the middle of my drinking I start blinking without thinking,
Causing strangers to start winking which means now I must reject.
After stalking, they start walking, and the liquor takes effect,
Now I’m with her and I’m talking, and my penis gets erect.

What a problem I was into, how the hell do I get out?
Then again it might be helpful since I’ve been in such a drought.
The idea might be silly but my balls were kind of chilly,
So I had to treat my willy like a raging water spout.
Should I take her? Is that back fur? Maybe pour another stout,
With my friend I should confer, since her face is like a trout.

Yet the bar itself is lovely and the ambiance is fun,
Seldom will you find a girl here who weighs in at a short ton.
If your taste in music’s indie and you like tattoos in Hindi,
And don’t mind a girl named Cindi with her hair up in a bun,
Set up a trip, this place is hip, and just wait up for the sun.
Pick up a drink and take a sip, since the night has just begun.

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3 Comments to Poetryview: Kill Your Idol

  1. Pingback: Orlando
  2. GUF

    Orlando, normally your reviews are very entertaining,
    However, reading this post was actually quite draining.
    Don’t have time to write a poem, so in the end I’ll say…
    Damn, this whole thing was really pretty gay.

  3. Jessica

    Awesome! Slightly gay is good.

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