Reviewing Miami and then some. Gratuitous vulgarity included.

neMesis Yelp review

This review was posted on Yelp after the original review which I reposted on Yelp was removed. This one was removed a couple of days later.

My original review was flagged for inappropriate content, probably by the same sort of people who find it sensible and prudent to blur out someone’s middle finger on TV.

I get my shit censored here constantly, and I’ve become pretty accustomed to it sort of how a stripper likely hates her job but has become accustomed to getting boners rubbed on their thighs through corduroy. It comes with the territory. I usually brush off Yelp censorship and pick another place to storyview.

But not with neMesis, because I actually really like this place.

So in an attempt to keep this review from being pulled, I’m going to veer off my usual path and write primarily about the place and not tell stories that people love.

neMesis causes spontaneous boners.

neMesis read me a bedtime story and then kissed me on the forehead.

neMesis notarized my contract written in crayon, which I didn’t know was possible.

neMesis shaved my chest and donated the hair to cancer patients.

neMesis took me on a date and covered the bill without expecting a blowjob.

neMesis told me it would match my contribution to my 401k.

neMesis saved my cat from a tree, and then it taught it to love, because it’s a robot cat.

neMesis killed my robot cat, because it malfunctioned and began to hate my baby.

neMesis also killed my baby, because it was actually a robot planted by the cat.

neMesis found my real baby and reunited us.

neMesis then apologized because it wasn’t my baby, it was just very similar because all babies look alike. But then it found my real baby for real this time.

neMesis got me pregnant.

neMesis said it would stick around and help me raise the baby, because it came from a home where its dad was never around, and it doesn’t want that kind of life for its child.

neMesis paid for the abortion.

neMesis and I grew apart for a while, but then it made me dinner and now I’m in love with neMesis again.

That’s about it. I love you, neMesis.

Dude, I'm serious, I'll kill a bunny if you don't click this button »

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