Reviewing Miami and then some. Gratuitous vulgarity included.

Lucky Strike Lanes & Lounge

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Similar to getting married or getting someone pregnant, bowling is best done while drunk. The better places like Lucky Strike realize this and serve plenty of alcohol.

I’m in no way a prolific bowler. I bowled for the first time in my life about two and a half years ago, unless you count Wii bowling in which case I’m a veteran with various awards and accolades. What I am prolific at, however, is drinking and doing things. Ask anyone who has ever been drunk with me, I’m the most coherent, logical drunk around.

What I am prolific at, however, is drinking and doing things.

So the first time I try out Lucky Strike I’m with a girl that has never bowled before and it shows. I tried explaining and showing the proper motions to her, but she wasn’t having any of that shit. You know how you start off a few feet back, walk toward the lane with a bit of a crouch and use your momentum to swing the ball all in one fluid motion? Well, she didn’t understand that. Instead, she would walk toward the lane, then crouch, then STOP COMPLETELY, then release the ball into the gutter. After I stopped pointing and laughing at her as she sadly walked back to me so she can sit down with her arms crossed, I once again showed her how to do it and she managed to come up with some other fuck up each time. We played two games and I think she succeeded in knocking down three pins. Total.

You know what I could use while I’m waiting for my oil change? Guinness.

As previously mentioned, they sell liquor. I wish more venues in which random activities occur would serve mistake-juice. You know what I could use while I’m waiting for my oil change? Guinness. You know what would be nice to have when I’m in a waiting room for my dentist appointment? Gin, and also all the Tootsie Rolls and Fruit Roll-ups I could chew on — that’ll make those motherfuckers work. You know what would make the line at the DMV more bearable? Complementary wine and cheese. I’m not talking shitty wines like that one the Jews drink, what’s it called, Manischewitz or whatever (it has a TWIST-OFF cap.) I’m talking the good stuff you’ll find at Publix covered in dust because it’s too expensive for most people. The government spends $6 million on a single patriot missile and uses it to kill dudes on camels trying to attack them with machetes. That’s a lot of waste, the least we can do is buy some decent wine and cheese to lay it out while in line at the DMV. But knowing the USA they’d serve grape drink and Kirkland-brand American cheese that was made in China.

I don’t remember how many lanes Lucky Strike has, but it looked like a pretty decent amount. They do have those little pussy side rails that you can use if you’re bowling with a child, drunk sorority girl, or a 92-year-old quadriplegic woman in a coma.

Try Lucky Strike, you’ll have a ball.

Gaaaaaaaaah, that was terrible.

So where the hell is it?
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1 Comment to Lucky Strike Lanes & Lounge

  1. Joe

    The address listed is obviously for Lucky Strike in Miami Beach. The Google map is showing what looks like Osama’s second compound somwhere in Doral. Way to go Google.

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