"Stop Being a F***ing Idiot", on sale now. Kindle and paperback. A sarcastirical look at, well, everything. Updates every weekday at 10 AM…ish. But let’s be honest, sometimes I don’t feel like it.
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“I Wanna Marry Harry” is so terrible, people don’t even make fun of it.

When looking for quality television, scoping out the reality genre is like asking 2 Chainz to double check the grammar in your research paper. You should already know that reality TV is stupid as fuck just by the name. Why? Well, pick one of two…

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Zielo 1 Comment Read more »

Zielo

Politics, even in the most indirect of ways, tends to shit all over everything. I use Groupon like a poor person, and I treat it like a good way to discover restaurants I normally wouldn’t think of visiting. That’s what happened this time. I found…

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Hollywood Chillbar 1 Comment Read more »

Hollywood Chillbar

Chillbar is weird, and we’ll get to why in a second, but first let me tell you that the food is awesome and I’ll be going back. It’s kinda like how you’ll watch a trashy reality show and think, “this is strange”, but you keep…

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The “What Kind of Buzzfeed Quiz Taker Are You?” Quiz

If you’ve ever wanted to know what actor would play you in the worst movie of all time, whether you’re Cotton-Eyed Joe, or if you should eat a fucking snack, Buzzfeed has you covered! Buzzfeed quizzes are all the rage these days! Find out what…

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The Oceanaire's Brunch Leave a comment Read more »

The Oceanaire’s Brunch

The most prominent things I learned throughout the various Black History Months I’ve experienced are: Rosa Parks wasn’t cool, because everybody knows all the cool kids sit in the back of the bus; George Washington Carver probably didn’t have a peanut allergy; and, of course,…

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Complaint Letter to Domino's 1 Comment Read more »

Complaint Letter to Domino’s

Hi Domino’s, I’ve been eating healthy lately. As you reach a certain age, you begin to think about things like mortgages and the certainty of death. You also think about what kind of shitty food you should avoid eating just so a decade or two…

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A Lesson in Making Good Friends Leave a comment Read more »

A Lesson in Making Good Friends

I wanted to start this off like one of those Reader’s Digest columns where an email to an editor is written out, followed by a thoughtful response, but these days I don’t get those kinds of emails. The only emails I get are the ones…

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The Weirdest/Stupidest Sites on the Internet 1 Comment Read more »

The Weirdest/Stupidest Sites on the Internet

The Internet is weird. For some of you, the terms “Goatse”, “Tub Girl”, and “Lemon Party” mean nothing. For others, I’ve hit a few triggers and you’re currently in the fetal position asking the world to make it stop, to make the pain go away.…

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Chinois Chinois & Baklava Factory Leave a comment Read more »

Chinois Chinois & Baklava Factory

No, that’s not the name of the restaurant, I’m just reviewing two restaurants at once. Right, it’s surprising. That’s how I felt last night when I walked in with a Groupon expecting to eat some Chinese food and instead ended up eating kebab. Because it…

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Biscayne Tavern 1 Comment Read more »

Biscayne Tavern

During Miami Spice, places tend to go downhill with quality and service. This anecdote is based purely on fact: the fact that I like to make things up. Even so, I’m usually more lenient during Spice, which is why I’m going to mostly overlook our…

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